Monday, March 1, 2010

Dear Shadowlands- On a night with two moons

I know you are troubled and suffering. The Lord has been drawing me into prayer for you and I wanted you to know that I feel your pain. Let me share a little story with you. I'm going to eat a great big piece of humble pie and tell it; maybe you won't feel so alone.

Before my conversion, I led a very worldly life. I was in a state of mortal sin and hated every minute of it. I painted the world red. You name it, I did it. I was in a downward spiral and didn't know how to turn myself around. I loved going out to clubs on weekends and tossing down a few too many. It felt great to be buzzed. When reality wasn't staring me in the face my depression would lift temporarily. It was like a mini vacation from life...or so I thought. My pain would recede and I would feel like a normal person for a bit. As a child of an alcoholic, I knew what I was doing was unwise and dangerous but if it helped me escape the misery that was me that was enough.

One day, shortly after I got married, My husband and I went to a local club to watch a band play and "yours truly" got trashed. Drunk as a skunk. So drunk that out in the parking lot (this was around 1:30 in the morning so don't worry all, there were no children around), I decided to "moon" my friends. Yep, you read that right folks - there were two moons out that night. Course mine was blue because it was the middle of winter. I bet you can guess what else was sitting in a cruiser in the far corner of the parking lot.  A policeman.  Murphy's law. The one time in my life that I decide to pull a stunt like that, I get caught. And arrested. And thrown in jail for four hours until my friend brought down the bail money. I even had to go to court and was fined $150 dollars. My humiliation was not yet complete. Come to find out, some of the local newspapers thought this was hysterically funny and wrote it on the front page. One can imagine what it said :)

Not long after this incident the Lord stepped into this wounded soul's life and began transforming my life. This was a painful process because deep surgery needed to be performed. To this day the Lord continues to change me. Never give up hope, Shadowlands. If it helps, I can tell you a few other stories, too. You are not alone in your fallen nature, I am with you...and so is Jesus.

I figured, if nothing else, it would bring a little smile to your face. If it does, then it's worth it - even if I lose all my followers :) God bless you, my sister in Christ. I am praying for you.


  1. Mary, I don't think you're going to lose any followers.....we all have had moments like that (even if we don't want to admit it). Mine was a week in Hawaii when I was twenty something....I will spare you the details...but it was bad, very bad. God was working on you even then....He was working on me even then! He is working on us all. If we let Him, He will use those ahem, moments in our life for HIS glory.
    P.S.....when you throw up a Blue isn't blue anymore. Just sayin.

  2. Mary,
    It was good of you to share that. I hope it helps Shadowlands. As for losing your followers, well let any of us without sin and a few skeletons in our own closet hit the delete button! :)
    God Bless!

  3. Thank you for this story Mary.

    Shadowlands is in our prayers.

    God bless you.

  4. Thanks Mary. Some of us have to go thru some yucky times for the Lord to work his miracles!! I doubt you lose any followers!!

  5. Thank you all for your comments. I'm not really concerned about losing followers, that part was a joke:) Most people understand that everybody falls, though the depth may differ. If someone really stopped following my blog because I spoke truth it would be no big deal. I consider it God's blog anyway, he just allows his daughter to write on it, even if I do make a mess of it sometimes ;) Still, I thank you all for taking the time to comment. Maybe Shadowlands will see that we care and she is not alone.

  6. Mary I don't know Shadowlands but I will pop over and visit her.

    Your story is not unlike mine when I was very young.....we all have a story where we have fallen and if I were honest with myself I would tell you I have learned more from my falls than through anything else.

    God has pulled me up so many times and I lean on him always........:-) Hugs

  7. Dearest Mary
    I think you are quite a lady! It took courage and humility to tell your story for all to read. To do it to help someone else also shows what a good, kind Christian you are. We are all praying for Shadowlands and she is blessed to have you for a friend. I hope I can call you friend too because you are a friend to treasure! Thank you Mary and may God bless you.

  8. Bernie,
    That would be great:) She would love you just like the rest of us do!
    Bernie, I think that I have learned more from my falls, too. The gracious hand of Jesus is always there for me. Without fail. I owe Him everything.

  9. Mary you are so sweet to share your story! Isn't it amazing what God can do? He can take us out of our miserable worldly lives and show us that His way is the only way to happiness!

    God bless you!

  10. Breadgirl,
    Thank you for your kind comment. I would be honored to call you my friend :)

    I'm glad that so many are praying. Our Lady has a softspot for Shadowlands. So do I.

  11. Anne,
    I just got off your blog. I loved your post on forgiveness, it was beautiful. It is amazing what God can do! And He's not even finished yet!

  12. Mary you are so warm, and funny! I cracked up at this story, couldn't help it. It reminded me keenly of a college skinny dipping incident someone I know well was involved in ;) You have such a grateful, loving heart. I daresay it is because you have been to the depths that you are able to soar to the heights. Will pray much for Shadowlands.

  13. Mary, we all have our stories so do not worry about losing anybody. Thanks for sharing. God bless!

  14. Colleen,
    Betcha can't beat that one, can ya :) Just kidding. Thanks for commenting!

  15. Lynn,
    Funny! The weirdest thing is that this was unlike me. I still can't figure out why I did it :) I mean - I did tons of rotten things, but this one was unusual even for me. I tend to be very private.

  16. Just read this Mary, thanks for being so thoughtful and helpful with your share.

    I think remorse over past actions is the worst bit, for me, about a drink problem, because of some of the wrongs we can never maybe 'right', as it says in the big blue book.

    I am just trying to get back on track, as I have been quite physically ill, to be frank.

    Please continue with prayers, as I suffer from terrible nightmares, during the night, when going through withdrawal.

    God bless everyone else, for their love and concerns.

  17. Shadowlands,
    Many people are praying for you right now. May Mother Mary take you by the hand and walk you through this. We might not be able to right every wrong but Our Lord is the great Physician and can bring good out of everything. What helps me is to remember that love covers a multitude of sins. Peace be with you, Shadowlands.

  18. I just came back to check this post and realized that my comment never went through! lol no wonder I wasn't getting updates :-)

    I just wanted to say Thank You and that it always helps to know that others are only human too!