Thursday, May 31, 2012

Flush and Blush

Victor at Time for Reflections has started a new meme called HEEE HEEE MEME. The rules for this meme are:

1. You must write this post while looking somewhat ridiculous.

2. Next you must tell us something funny or silly about yourself; or something that happened to you that made you look ridiculous.

3. Then LINK to three other people and invite them to join the Meme.

4. Finally don't forget to LINK back to the person who invited you so that your readers can read about them and join in the laughter.

As you can see from the picture above I am having a bad hair day as usual. That's always enough to ruffle one's feathers, isn't it? It was a new product put out by Gloreal, guaranteed to transform even the mousiest long hair into a glorious treasure called Platinum Deluxe. Never trust those fly-by-night hair dye companies...they're all a bunch of quacks.

Now for my story (please note - contains potty humor and may offend those who were not raised by fathers who required their children to pull their thumbs regularly). People seem to want to hear the Disney Story, so here goes:

                                                     FLUSH AND BLUSH
                                                    ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

When I was in my mid twenties, a few of my family members flew down to Florida to visit a friend. She lived pretty close to Disney World so we decided to check it out. The craziness began while my brother and I were in a tightly packed elevator in Magic Kingdom. Jim and I were jammed dead center in the middle of the elevator and as it was rising someone on board let go a vicious SBD. (Silent but deadly for all those whose fathers failed in their duty to teach their children all they must know about bodily functions. Much to my mom's dismay, of course.) The elevator soon reeked to high heaven. Yours truly, who in a previous post explained about her losing battle against inappropriate laughter received a quick poke in the side from Jim along with a waggle of the eyebrows. That did it. Soon we were both laughing so hard that tears were rolling down my eyes. Other than us, there was dead silence. Maybe it knocked everyone else out...I don't know. What I do know is that my brother made me look like the culprit.

I offered it up. Steam rises anyway so there was no sense in ignoring it.

Shortly after, we went and grabbed my mom from the hotel room so she could take a walk around the park. After an hour or two my mom and I stopped at a restroom to empty our bladders. Disney had recently installed the automatic toilets that flush when you stand up. (Those things have always creeped me out, by the way. I always wondered if the red sensor buttons were little cameras. I mean, how do they know when you stand up?) There were lots of people in line to use the bathrooms so I used the toilet quickly. When I was exiting my mom yelled out, "Mary! My toilet won't flush!" I shouted back, "Mom, you're in Disney. This is Magic Kingdom; you have to turn around and say, "Flush!" She did so. A moment later she said, "Mary! It still won't flush!" I replied, "Yell louder." My poor mom must have yelled at that toilet five times before realizing I was tricking her. I think the laughter throughout the restroom clued her in. She swatted my arm on the way out but I was giggling to hard to feel it.

I made it up to her later. After all, I'm a good daughter with a charitable nature. After much Disney food, my mom got a bellyache and we rushed to the nearest restroom. This was no quiet bellyache and I could sense her embarrassment, so kindhearted Mary decided to help her out by turning on all the hand dryers at once, turning a couple of taps on, and singing Zip-Ah-Dee-Doo-Dah at the top of my lungs.

Need I add that my mom forgave me for the flush incident after?

I tag:

Grace at Just Be Real
Puff at Puff's Blog About Stuff
Colleen at Thoughts on Grace
Sarah at Signs of Faith and Love
Jane at Seven angels, four kids, one family

I guess I can't count.

Let's see what you're made of ladies! Don't worry, it can be anything funny! I was going to tag Kathryn too, but she's already got a post up called "Letting go is hard to do" so I figured I better not ;)

                                       





36 comments:

  1. "I mean, how do they know when you stand up?"

    Two-way mirrors.

    Same as in the gents. The urinals always flush as you leave.

    Brilliant story Mary. Thanx. I hope others join this Meme.

    God bless.

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  2. "Silent but deadly for all those whose fathers failed in their duty to teach their children all they must know about bodily functions."

    It's funny how political correctness has changed our language. In the old days children did a wee wee or a poo poo.

    When a little boy at school said to the teacher he wanted to do a wee wee and could he leave class she told him not to say wee wee. He should say instead "I want to whistle".

    A few days later in the middle of the night the little boy runs to his parents' bedroom and says to his dad "I want to whistle". His parents were lying down in bed asleep. The father says "Keep quiet. You'll wake Mom".

    The boy repeats "I want to whistle". The father says "Wait until the morning".

    The poor child starts crying and says "But dad I want to whistle now".

    Still lying down the father says "OK ... but whistle quietly in my ear!"

    The boy does.

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  3. Victor,
    You're pulling my leg! The urinals flush automatically too?! Are you kidding?

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  4. Funny joke too!
    You never heard of SBD's? My mom had cue words but most of us took after my dad in this area. We weren't supposed to say pee pee or poo poo. Tinkle was allowed and so were #1 and #2 but my poor mom never stood a chance with my dad in the house!

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  5. Ah jeez Mary:

    I keep trying not to look stupid and you want me to purposely reveal being ridiculous. Ah come on, even Bone Jesu only asks us to confess sins not embarrassments.

    Besides doesn't my graveside story suffice. No, okay, let me think about it.

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  6. Puff,
    Sorry, the minute I saw this meme I had to tag you :) You forget I read both your and your husband's blog. You two get me going all the time.

    If it's any consolation Mother Angelica used to giggle when she burped or hiccuped on her LIVE show. And I bet she gets canonized some day;)

    The graveside story was hilarious! Just thinking about it cracks me up!

    Having said that, you don't have to join in if you'd rather not :)

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  7. Mary,
    Great story. Human nature(in all its forms) gives us more material for humor than we will ever need in one life time. I think God put these things in us, allows them to happen to us for His own amusement~not to mention our humility. After all there is no humility without humiliations.
    As for those self-flush toilets, I have always wondered about them myself.
    Thanks for the laugh.

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  8. You have successfully made me want to come on vacation with you and your family. I laughed out loud at this. So funny.

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  9. Hi Karin,
    You too, huh? Something weird about those self-flushers. The world is full of God's humor. If you haven't seen it yet, you've got to look at this post on Shoved to Them -
    http://shovedtothem.blogspot.com/2012/05/god-has-sense-of-humor-do-you.html
    It's a riot!!

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  10. Hi Kathleen,
    I'd be happy to have you join us - this way I'd be able to lay the blame on you for elevator incidents like these :)

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  11. Hi Kathleen,
    I'd be happy to have you join us - this way I'd be able to lay the blame on you for elevator incidents like these :)

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  12. Oops, I'm repeating myself again.
    Oops, I'm repeating myself again.

    Yes, Victor, I saw your comment on Vicky's blog :)

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  13. Yes Mary. The urinals flush automatically in some UK public toilets. The taps (faucets) run water automatically too as soon as your hand is underneath them; the hand dryers run automatically. There's even a tiny spray dispenser in the roof of the cubicle which sprays nice smells when you get up.

    It's all done with mirrors (or tiny cameras). They have someone sitting there in front of a panel (behind the mirrors or watching monitors) pressing different buttons at appropriate times as needed.

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  14. Oh, Mary, that's so funny! We don't have those flushing toilet systems here. Besides, I'm not sure it would work when you have to do your numbers while hovering above the toilet seat to avoid the red-back spiders hiding underneath. The big, long chemical hole in the ground seems a smellier, but safer, option.

    I've been thinking about my meme but, somehow, moving the car around the carpark, while my teenagers dash into the shops for a bottle of milk, doesn't even start to match up (you should see their befuddled faces!! Hehehe!!!) Don't worry - my 14 year old gives me noogies to get his own back;-)

    I am impressed by your show of kindness, though. I think it sets the tone for this whole meme, ruling out stories involving extreme humiliation, abject misery and grievous bodily harm. Hmm, what's left, Mary?

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  15. "... while hovering above the toilet seat to avoid ..."

    Reading Vicky's comment has reminded me of an article I read in a scientific magazine which should be cause for concern.

    Some employers have fitted very very tiny ink-jet printer heads on toilet seats. As you sit down (or hover) the ink-jet printer sprays ink and prints in INVISIBLE INK the date and time you've arrived. This information is not visible to the naked eye. But it can be read by infrared (or is it violet) light.

    The employer can at any time ask to check peoples' hovering areas to see how often they've been to the toilet and wasted time not at work. All they need to do is shine a light and all is revealed.

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  16. Thanks for the link, Mary. That has to be one of the funniest things I have ever read or seen.
    God gives us countless ways to help us not take ourselves too seriously. If we can't laugh at ourselves, this earthly life will be that much more difficult and boring too :)

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  17. Hey Mary, I have been struggling trying to come up with something to share. But, my incidents of funny things happen through out the day in very small spurts. To a thought, to an action and then it is over.

    As a kid I constantly would play tricks on my friends. Leaving them on top of a mechanical horse where you put a nickle in and it goes back and forth. I would just walk away pretending I was going home and they could not get off the horse until it stopped five minutes later. I would watch them from a-far yell for me, trying to slide down from the moving horse..... I was cruel... hee hee. But, it was my nickle, so they got a free ride out of it!

    Blessings....

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  18. Bigfoot,
    Do you know what kind of mental picture that paints?! Lol! That is funny!
    "It's all done with mirrors (or tiny cameras). They have someone sitting there in front of a panel (behind the mirrors or watching monitors) pressing different buttons at appropriate times as needed." I'm sitting here snickering at the thought!! No wonder my daughter always waves after she does her business (she really does).

    What happens if they push the wrong button, I wonder?

    We have the automatic taps and paper towel dispensers but I've never seen the automatic air fresheners.

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  19. Hi Vicky,
    What's left? I think you've got that all planned out nicely, don't you? Cartoon time, maybe?

    I almost died when I read about the red-backed spiders! That is hilarious!

    I love the practical jokes you play on your kids! Lol!! I'll have to remember that one and try it on someone!

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  20. Victor,
    Stop!! You're killing me!

    "Some employers have fitted very very tiny ink-jet printer heads on toilet seats. As you sit down (or hover) the ink-jet printer sprays ink and prints in INVISIBLE INK the date and time you've arrived. This information is not visible to the naked eye. But it can be read by infrared (or is it violet) light.

    The employer can at any time ask to check peoples' hovering areas to see how often they've been to the toilet and wasted time not at work. All they need to do is shine a light and all is revealed."

    Do they deduct this "hovering time" from their paychecks, Victor?

    Speaking of hovering, I thank God for good strong legs because I do not sit on public toilet seats...hovering is a fine art you know and I've got it down to a science (unless they have those pull sheets that cover the seat). And it's not red-backed spiders I worry about! Rather get bit by a red-back than attacked by some invisible critter that can't be seen by the naked eye.

    Speaking of toilets, I used to have to assure my daughter that lobsters and crabs could NOT come from the ocean through those pipes and bite her on the rump :)

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  21. Hi Karin,
    I loved that post! Surely proof that God has a great sense of humor! And I'm with you on the laughter thing... I can't imagine life without it.

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  22. Hi Grace,
    Lol!That reminds me of something my brother would do! He always played practical jokes on people too!

    That's not cruel! That's funny! I remember those mechanical horses - we used to beg my parents for money to ride them. I should have just moved next to you :)

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  23. I'm speaking the truth ... honest.

    Next time you hover, better check for tiny ink jet printer heads. Either that or red Australian spiders with miniature cameras.

    And another thing. Men can't hover when they do Number 2!

    But you can play a trick when they do Number 1. Just stretch Cling Film (plastic wrapping film) accross the toilet seat. It's practically invisible. And then watch the fun when they do Number 1.

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  24. Hi Mary,

    Just sent you an e-mail but my computer crashed. Don't know if it got through or not.

    God bless.

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  25. Hi Puff,
    You mean your hair or your post? Oh, right, it's day 5 (grin). Good luck on the rat's nest! By the way, if you can't get the comb out of your hair I think most boots are on clearance at the malls right now. Just don't forget to bring your "granny cart". Lol!

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  26. Just for you Mary, I have updated the post to include an image of a Granny Cart. You probably know it by another name.

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  27. Bigfoot,
    Yes, I got your e-mail :) As for hovering, at least you don't have to worry about red spiders where you live. Cameras yes, red spiders no.

    We have cling wrap. I wonder why I never thought of that one...

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  28. Thanks for the belly laugh! I needed that! I love you pulling your mum's leg like that! LOL!

    I, personally, loathe automatic flushes. I may not be done, but I'll slightly shift my weight and the next thing I know my ass is wet and I'm yelping 'cos the sensor thought I was done. It's happened countless times and you would think I'd coach myself to not move once seated . . . oh, well.

    :) I'll try and post something soon, dear. Thanks for the tag!

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  29. Hi Sarah,
    Funny comment! Try "hovering". Keeps you a bit further away from the spray! UGH!

    I think the "people behind the little cameras" are playing tricks on you Sarah. "Let's blast this one before she's done!" Besides, to them, a wet arse is funnier than a dry one.

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  30. Thanks for the laugh Mary. Love the way you tricked your mum.

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  31. Hi Therese,
    She still gives me grief over it ;) But she laughs! She actually thanked me after the other bathroom episode. Those dryers make a racket and I can sing REALLY loud. Not on key though!

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  32. Hi Therese,
    She still gives me grief over it ;) But she laughs! She actually thanked me after the other bathroom episode. Those dryers make a racket and I can sing REALLY loud. Not on key though!

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  34. Mary, just saw this!! :) LOL, waaaaaaay behind on blog reading... I think I'm having delayed reaction to Michael being born. Feel more out of it than having a newborn around!

    Miss you and hopefully will be back more regularly soon!

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  35. Hi Kathryn,
    Okay, so now you know one of my guilty secrets - I cannot control my laughter even at inappropriate moments :)

    It takes years to recover from childbirth, eighteen maybe? Lol!

    It's good to hear from you, Kathryn!

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