Saturday, April 26, 2014

Beauty for Ashes - Pt 2



I was in sorry shape.

I was caught in the grips of the Seven Deadly Sins.

I was sick of the way I was living my life but sin had such a strong hold on me that I didn't see a way out.

And I despaired. Oh, did I despair. The despair was so great that it overwhelmed me. My life lay in ashes all around me. If you read the link in my last post maybe you know what I mean. It was one of those shocking moments that lays bare the truth of your life (who and what you are, at least at that point). It was an ugly "snapshot of my life". 

One evening while my husband was at work I sat on the edge of my bed and cried out to the Lord, "Jesus, I am fed up with my life!"

Instantly, I was in the presence of a great light. There was no bedroom, no bed anymore. I think my soul was plucked from my body but I have no real way of knowing. All I know is that I was in the Presence of great Love and Mercy and that it was the Heart of Christ. This was not conveyed to me with words but through an instantaneous knowledge. Rays pierced my soul and I received an immense healing. I could not SEE His Heart only the rays that pierced my soul from every side. The soul doesn't see as it sees here on earth - I could see completely around me all at once. Above, below, and around. There were rays of two distinct colors - a deep, rich red and a paler color, an extremely pale pink. I say pink but pink isn't really the right word to call it. There isn't really a color here on earth that describes it. Neither color was a color I had ever seen before. I don't think they exist here. It was as if the pale color was slightly tinged with blood giving it the pinkish cast. There was no blue at all like you see in some  Divine Mercy pictures.

I didn't know about St. Faustina, her Diary, or the Divine Mercy picture at the time. I remember how stunned I was the first time I saw it.  Her Diary shocked me even more because I immediately understood what Jesus was trying to say to the world through St. Faustina. I understood the messages in a way that's hard to convey sometimes but it is something I am going to attempt to do on my blog, God willing. I have no doubt that the mercy I received came through the intercession of St. Faustina and the prayers of those here on earth who prayed for me and I have no doubt that Jesus is calling all sinners to
trust in his mercy. 

I'm not  exactly sure where to start when speaking of Jesus' Mercy so I want to say that this particular Divine Mercy Sunday is a very special one and we should all open our hearts to Jesus' mercy like never before. 

There are no coincidences with God.





27 comments:

  1. Mary, I have no words. I think because, in the face of such magnificent love and mercy of God, words just pale. Thank you for sharing this. I am moved beyond what I can say - by all of it (previous post(s) included).

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    1. Thank you, Nancy. You have no idea how much I appreciate your comment and ALL the comments here. Sometimes I don't know what to share and what not to. Because I'd rather just forget "the before" if you know what I mean. Yet, it's an important part of the story. This is how good God is.

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  2. Mary, you have done your readers a big service by sharing your story. God bless you and happy Feast of Divine Mercy!

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    1. Thanks, Esther :) I love this feast day. Happy Feast of Divine Mercy to you as well. (And what a special feast day with the canonizations too! Wow!)

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  3. Dear Mary, what a blessing you are! Thank you for sharing your story with us..it is so very precious! I am sure Jesus will help you to continue speaking of His Divine Mercy. What a beautiful Saviour He is!! I am looking forward to reading more of your insights and reflections as you blog about your experiences with our dear Lord.
    What happened to you is so sacred.. I'm humbled to know you and awed by your generous sharing of it. All glory to Jesus! xoxxox

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    1. Hi Trish,
      Thank you for your comment - God is good :) Sometimes when I think about the past I wonder what would have happened if Jesus hadn't stepped in like this. I cringe when I think about it. Hugs to you too!

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  4. Oh Mary, your testimony is not long. It's too short. I want to know more, I want it as long as Fr. Donald Calloways book "no turning back" Did you know he was involved in heavy metal and drinking before grace set in? You are the recipient if so much grace and I am jealous in the non 9th commandment sense of the word. I am in awe of your mystical experience. I wish you'd write more about that. And I'm sure that's not the only one right? Anyway, if you won't write a book, please do me a favor and blog, blog, blog. As for the full moon experience, that was hysterical n hindsight of course.

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    1. Hi Anabelle,
      Trust me, it could have been much longer :) I read Fr. Calloway's book and loved it. I can totally understand why God stepped into his life like this - He often likes to pick the worst of the lot. (Sorry Father, your story was beautiful but you were pretty rotten...lol. ) God seems to pick a lot Pauls, Augustines, and Magdalenes, doesn't He? This way no one can claim it is any work of their own that brings about such a powerful transformation.

      Hindsight? Lol...good one, Anabelle!

      As for sharing more of what happened to me - it's not that I don't want to but that I feel awkward doing so. That kind of stuff doesn't go over well with a lot of people and I can understand their point of view.

      Thanks for commenting, Anabelle :)



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  5. Thank you for sharing this Mary. It is so inspiring! I agree with Anabelle - it makes me want to know more!

    God Bless.

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    1. Thanks, Michael :) I appreciate the feedback. I was a little nervous writing these two posts because I wasn't sure whether the feedback would be positive or negative. I had written previously about my experience in the presence of God's Mercy but not too much about what led up to it, just bits and pieces here and there.

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  6. I agree with Anabelle I think there's quite a bit of story untold here and I think you might have a book in your calling to benefit others. Maybe by doing more blogs and expanding the story that way it won't be so overwhelming. Thank you for sharing, it's an invaluable story of the workings of God in the soul.

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    1. Hi Shelly,
      Yes, there is but I don't know about writing a book - I have a hard enough time blogging regularly...lol. Half the time I'm taking blog breaks! I have considered a separate blog though.

      Oh, and I forgot to tell you that I loved the link you put up about Purgatory on Facebook. I'm always interested in learning more about that!

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  7. I see others agree with me ... a book on the horizon! You have my e-mail if you need any advice/help with this.

    God bless.

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    1. Hi Victor,
      Thank you. You have always been so supportive and helpful and I want you to know how much I appreciate it :) God bless you too!

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  8. Popping back in to say I agree about a book. Which you may be writing bit by bit right here, right now (I say that in case the thought overwhelms you).

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    1. Thanks, Nancy! I appreciate your encouraging words :)

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  9. Thank you for sharing your story. It was beautiful. And so are you!

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  10. Thank YOU, Kathleen. Your kind words mean a lot to me - these posts were hard for me to write.

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  11. You're on the right road, Mary! God is with you!

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  12. Thank you for the encouraging words, Mallory :)

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  13. Mary, it's 2AM, but I couldn't go to bed without finishing both of these posts on your conversion. Thank you for being so honest. I know it had to be hard to share all of this, but it will do so much good. I cannot believe how many people click on that three part series I wrote about the occult in my life. There are so many desperate people out there who need to hear about God's Mercy. I hope you will share more with us, and I join in the chorus for a BOOK! Thanks be to Jesus for the transforming power of His Love and Mercy! We are never hopeless...no matter how far we have fallen. God bless you, dearest Mary. You are such a beautiful light to all of us! Love you!

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  14. Hi Patricia,
    Yes, there are so many people who need to hear about God's mercy and this is why I decided to write this post. When I get e-mails from people, other than fellow bloggers, almost every single one is a cry for help. We are a people in desperate need of God's mercy. Which is why I am glad you wrote your post on the occult! People NEED to read stuff like this because so many tamper with the occult today, whether willingly with full knowledge or unwittingly through lack of knowledge.

    People don't tend to align music with the occult but I believe it has similar effects on the soul. How could it not? There is something about music that reaches deeply into people's hearts which is why people praise God through song so much. It affects the soul. Music that glorifies evil also affects the soul but in an extremely negative fashion.

    I was very careful to avoid the occult during my life but I missed this aspect of it, unfortunately. I know many people would laugh off this kind of connection but they'll never convince me that it isn't there after what I experienced. I didn't go into full detail here but it's enough to make my point I think.

    Thanks for commenting! xxxooo

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  15. Hi Mary! I read your previous blog, this one and the one about the big mistake.
    I have to really commend you for your bravery. Not so much sharing the life you had been living, but in sharing your spiritual experiences. That takes a lot of inner strength.

    I can see why Divine Mercy Sunday means so much to you. Seeing the rays before even knowing what they meant is such a powerful sharing in the mercy of God. And you didn't know what you saw, but you felt peace. And that was what you were looking for all along.

    These testimonies are very powerful to me. Thank you for being sharing some of your holy encounters, and giving all of us hope. Hope that any mistake we make is smaller than the mercy of God. Way smaller!
    Bless you,
    Ceil

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    1. Hi Ceil,

      And quite a big mistake it was at that!

      Ros (Shadowlands), the blogger I addressed the post to died a year and a half later in 2012. She was very special and I miss her. I got more out of her honest blogging about her struggles and her love for God than I did reading
      most of the large Catholic Blogs with thousands of followers that I was also reading at the time. Funny how God works that way.

      Love your comment "any mistake we make is smaller than the mercy of God"! Amen! I think if I had understood this before my conversion experience I would have come back to God a lot sooner. I didn't really understand his love and mercy before that. In a lot of ways I was afraid of Him.

      Thanks for commenting, Ceil :)

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  16. What a beautiful experience God gave you! You cried out to God and He answered you in such a magnificent way!

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  17. And it sure shocked the heck out of me! Well, I guess I could say it shocked the "hell" right out of me along with it.

    Thanks for commenting, Monica!

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