A post from my archives. Enjoy!
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| Do I HAVE to take a bath?! |
Do I really trust God? Do I have total faith in Him and in his love for me?
As much as I'd like to answer those questions with a big fat YES, I can't do that. I WANT this total faith and perfect love... but I just don't have it yet. I have faith and love but it's not perfected yet.
"Perfect love casts out fear."
Simply put ... I have fears. And what are fears but little pockets of despair that need casting out?
Fears that I fear "Perfect Love" has not yet rid me of.
Mostly I fear my own obstinacy. I see certain attachments so clearly and still procrastinate in ridding myself of them.
Because, as St. Augustine so
Naught. Nothing. A big fat zero of nothingness.
So I cling to my "somethings". I call them my little "dust makers".
Because that is what they'll eventually be, right?
Dust. I cling to dust.
A bigger fear?
That I won't detach myself from all these little dust makers in time and I'll go before the Lord and clouds of lingering dust will surround AND trail my soul.
Kind of like Pigpen from Peanuts.
And my biggest fear?
The Lord will cough and choke out, "Let's get you off into Purgatory and give you a nice bath!"
And that the "bath" water will be too hot.
Just sayin'.
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| Okay! Nice and clean! You can come out now! |
Mary, How did you know? You just described me...and where I have been way too long. I am still stuck in the dust too. I have not one iota of a doubt that God is worth everything, and how pleased He would be if I just let go. Why is it so hard? God, or clinging to my petty faults and fears? No contest, right? I often think how the angels must shake their heads at us (me!).
ReplyDeleteMary, I also cling to dust. This post is very timely. I love your labels-you make me laugh! I'm reading Dante's Divine Comedy right now and am in Purgatorio. Your picture reminds me of the book. Thank you for sharing this!
ReplyDeleteWelcome fellow dust clingers!! Lol. Patricia, I can totally relate to what you are saying. I don't know why it's so hard - makes me feel like a real cheapskate. Spiritually speaking :)
ReplyDeleteAnne, it's nice to know I am in such good company! I may kid around in my posts but, as you can probably guess, there's an underlying note of seriousness to it. I DO love adding those labels though! It's fun!
I'm trying to think of whether there's such a thing as good dust, Mary. The sort of dust which could be gold and will sparkle in eternity but is dulled by worldly imperfections. I like the words of my most favouritist saint ever, who wrote that the sufferings caused by enduring our imperfections are cleansing in themselves.
ReplyDeleteI'd lend you my industrial vacuum cleaner for your dust but the bag's full and I'm still shifting through it, searching for the specks of gold ;-)
PS. An image of dirty dust being transformed into the shimmering good of mercy just popped into my mind. I think you'll have to make do with your own vacuum cleaner - I've just handed my one over to my guardian angel :-)
You always have a unique perspective on life, Vicky! I love reading your comments!
ReplyDeleteMary, thank you for always reminding me I am not the only one that has fears and concerns! God bless you!
ReplyDeleteHi Michael,
ReplyDeleteWell, maybe you better wait to thank me until after the next two posts. Lol. (Kidding!)
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Kbhi alfaaz bhul jau kabhi khayal bhul jaau, Tujhe es kadar chahu k apni saans bhul jau, satta king
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