A post from my archives. Enjoy!
|Do I HAVE to take a bath?!|
Do I really trust God? Do I have total faith in Him and in his love for me?
As much as I'd like to answer those questions with a big fat YES, I can't do that. I WANT this total faith and perfect love... but I just don't have it yet. I have faith and love but it's not perfected yet.
"Perfect love casts out fear."
Simply put ... I have fears. And what are fears but little pockets of despair that need casting out?
Fears that I fear "Perfect Love" has not yet rid me of.
Mostly I fear my own obstinacy. I see certain attachments so clearly and still procrastinate in ridding myself of them.
Because, as St. Augustine so
Naught. Nothing. A big fat zero of nothingness.
So I cling to my "somethings". I call them my little "dust makers".
Because that is what they'll eventually be, right?
Dust. I cling to dust.
A bigger fear?
That I won't detach myself from all these little dust makers in time and I'll go before the Lord and clouds of lingering dust will surround AND trail my soul.
Kind of like Pigpen from Peanuts.
And my biggest fear?
The Lord will cough and choke out, "Let's get you off into Purgatory and give you a nice bath!"
And that the "bath" water will be too hot.
|Okay! Nice and clean! You can come out now!|