I have to admit something. Woe is me. I have "muffin top". And my poor husband has "Dunlap disease". For all you folks who may be unfamiliar with these terms:
"Muffin top" is the roll of fat that sticks out above the tight, low-cut garments that pass for jeans these days. Its partner is "plumbers crack", which used to only be a working man's problem but now affects the entire population. Unfortunately, one must bend over even in modern society, though perhaps fashion designers have forgotten this small detail. I guess exercise would help get rid of the "muffin top" epidemic, but there seems to be no cure for the "crack" virus which has plagued the world for a few years now. "Dunlap disease" (when your belly dunlapped over your belt) has been around for years and is the male equivalent of "muffin top" . Dunlap disease is now reaching the level of a worldwide pandemic as jeans get slimmer, tighter and lower.
What to do?
Well, I just so happen to have a solution. At least, it's a solution for those of us who would like to breathe again. The duds these days are truly duds. And since we were kicked out of the garden and no longer have the option of running around naked, my solution is this:
Let's take a page from biblical days and gird ourselves in robes and tunics! And before you say, "That's just plain nuts, Mary!", please let me remind you just how low and uncomfortable jeans are getting. A few inches more and...who knows? Privately, I think some parts are better kept hidden. It's not like I'm suggesting fig leaves, you know. Flowing robes and long tunics just make good sense if you think about it.
So...think about it:
We could bend over with ease. You could go without shaving your legs for months and no one would know. Fat? Skinny? No problem! One size fits all! The only muffins would be the ones in your kitchen. You could wear sneakers (or no shoes at all). High heels - gone forever.There would be no "I have nothing to wear to the big bash tonight!" And men would never hear "Honey? Do these jeans make my rump look big?" (What rump, Honey?) Shopping would be a cinch! ROBES-R-US! Here we come!
Not good enough reasons? How about this one:
I knew I could convince ya.