Suppressed, Repressed, Oppressed, Depressed - The Many Shades of Anger

Anger, also known as wrath, is the deadly sin I'm tackling this week. This capital sin is one I've
struggled with over the past ten years in the form of "repressed" anger. Outwardly, I am very mild
mannered and if someone had told me years ago that I had a problem with anger I probably would
have laughed. "Me? But I rarely lose my temper!" And that would be true...I didn't get angry very much.

You can imagine my surprise when the Lord decided to reveal that I most certainly DID have a problem with anger. As a matter of fact, I was a very angry girl (and girl, not woman, is the right term here) inside and the Lord was about to start dredging this stuff up. Underneath the sweet exterior there was a raging volcano  just waiting to explode some day. I soon became aware that the question wasn't so much "Who was I angry at?" as "Who wasn't I angry at?"  I didn't even realize I was angry at anyone. (I prefer "angry at" to "angry with" because "angry with" almost seems to imply that the other person is angry too.) So, not only was I mad at half the world, come to find out...I was even angry at myself.

Uhm...I was even mad at God for creating me. I know that sounds pretty bad but... it is what it is. I was angry at the Lord of the entire universe, the Author of Life himself. Of course, I didn't know this all at once...it was revealed gradually over a period time. First, God showed me that I had learned to completely "shut down" my anger as a child because I wasn't "allowed" to get angry. The thing is - people can't totally "shut down" their anger without harming themselves, can they? Not without God.  Even to this day I struggle with calling anger what it is. I sometimes have to ask God what this emotion is I'm feeling. If we think of the words suppressed, oppressed, repressed, and depressed  we see the word "pressed" in all of them. Anger is crushing, pressing, and heavy and that's exactly how I often felt inside. If we aim it at others we crush them and if we aim it at ourselves we crush ourselves. People can only handle a certain amount of pressure before it takes its toll.

Walking through the steps of forgiveness with the Lord, we worked in this manner:

First He helped me forgive others. This took a long time because I often didn't even know I harbored resentment toward anyone. Next, I had to forgive Him. And finally, I had to forgive myself (which we are still working on). Hiding beneath my anger was a boatload of hurt and pain and we worked (and continue to work) through this as well. It's not uncommon for those raised in dysfunctional families to suppress their emotions like this and to have to deal with the repercussions later on in life.

Some would say that when we are angry it's better to "let others have it" rather than suppress it. To "let it fly" and to heck with the consequences. The trouble with this is that the consequences of being on the receiving end of this type of anger can be tragic because everyone suffers the brunt of it. Those who "let others have it" do indeed pile their anger on others while still keeping it themselves at the same time. Anger is one of those things that grows and spreads when you share it too generously.

Anger turned outward can bring about oppression, while anger turned inward can bring on depression. Neither of these is healthy, both harm people. Anger can also bring on physical illnesses. Stress really IS a killer.

In my next post I'll list the signs and symptoms of this deadly sin and discuss ways to overcome it.