God has been very good to me. Sometimes I have the bad habit of focusing on my flaws instead of God's amazing kindness. As if my petty little human imperfections matter more than the greatness of the Lord. The world becomes a very small place when one focuses on oneself. I know better than to do this. I know it's insulting to God's mercy and prideful but I still catch myself nitpicking myself and wishing I were holier. This topic comes up a lot in my prayer life. I call them my "whining sessions" because I'm not quite sure they pass as prayer (lol). Since the Lord is always with me - He's stuck listening. This week, when I caught myself acting as my own judge and jury I tried to put a "check" on it before I got carried away and tried to turn my focus toward God instead. I have come to the realization that it's always best to wait for the Holy Spirit to bring things to light because He is far gentler than we are! Trying to outrun the Holy Spirit just leaves me frustrated with myself.
I'm quite sure we impede the work of the Holy Spirit when we worry about our spiritual progress too much. It's like saying to the Lord, " I can't trust you with my sanctification. I am worried about my holiness because I don't quite believe you are powerful or loving enough to take care of this for me." Or perhaps we think he'll let us down and that we won't reach the impossibly high standards for holiness that we set up for ourselves with our fallen natures that (of course) know better than God what holiness is ;) I am very convinced that our ideas of holiness and God's are very different.
This counts as a Sabbath Moment since this is what I am thinking about in this present moment. Right?
Besides, my original Sabbath Moment about the Bible got deleted ( don't ask).
We all have our moments when our prayers become entangled with our thought processes. But then ... that's what conversation is - isn't it?
ReplyDeleteAnd the Good Lord loves a conversation with us ... even though at times it may seem just one-sided and we're doing all the talking. Like any good parent, He likes to hear His children ramble on ... At least they're talking. At least they're here. Unlike all those who leave their own way and never phone nor write ... nor pray!
God bless.
Mary, an old, wise and very holy Benedictine priest lectured me one day, telling me that I was focusing too much on myself and not enough on Christ. Another Benedictine priest told me to make Christ the center of my life. Like you, I fall into that old trap of me-me-me and forget that the symbol of the crucifix is the heart of the matter - that and nothing else.
ReplyDeleteI think many people want to be holy but are not patient enough to let God act. Like you noted, He knows what He needs to do and we just have to empty ourselves and get out of His way. Thanks to original sin, that's hard to do. Just keep on truckin', though.
A good sabbath moment indeed! I too am guilty of the same "navel gazing" that you talk about here. True, we tend to be our own worst critics, but we as Christians should remember that God's love far outstrips our imperfections. He knows that we need His grace and mercy. It's ultimately about God working through us, so none of us has any cause to boast. So, thanks for the reminder that I need to put a check on my own "whining sessions" with the Lord and simply trust in His mercy and love. I forget the Cross sometimes and think that it's about my ability to stay holy rather than His making me holy.
ReplyDeleteBe blessed.
Evan
OH I know for a fact praying for me can be hard as I will always put in my human side. Thank you dear one for sharing such a good Sabbath moment. Thank you always for your encouragement and prayers always. Means so much to me!!!
ReplyDeleteThank you everyone for your thoughts on this post :)
ReplyDelete