"Indeed, the word of God is living and effective, sharper than any two-edged sword, penetrating even between soul and spirit, joints and marrow, and able to discern reflections and thoughts of the heart. No creature is concealed from him, but everything is naked and exposed to the eyes of him to whom we must render an account." Heb. 4:12,13
Purification. A word that sets me trembling if I'm being honest. I like it... but hate it at the same time. And I'm glad God cares enough about us to do this for us.
But it is painful at times. Especially when He is dredging up the muck from the unconscious mind, the "stuff" that's below our immediate level of awareness.
It goes something like this:
God will pour light on certain unconscious behavior patterns, you begin to realize WHY you have been acting in certain ways for most of your life and you wonder "why wasn't this obvious to me" before now.
Everything becomes clear as a bell. It was hidden from you until now.
And it's a long, slow process. Most of the time, at least.
When it first started years ago I was very resistant to it because I didn't understand what was going on. Was I really relating to others through the lens of the past? Through the scars of my upbringing?
Yes, I was. Still am no doubt. Everyone does this to some degree or another. There are no perfect families and everyone has wounds that they hide and behaviors they use to cover them or to protect themselves. We just aren't aware of them.
Even though some of these behaviors began as coping devices and may have been crucial to our survival growing up, not only are they no longer needed but they are detrimental to our spiritual health.
If we refuse to let them go, our spiritual growth stops. I've been "stuck" more than once due to my
refusal to see. It's hard at times because these are unconscious habits so when they are brought to your attention by the Holy Spirit your first response is often: "Say what?? What do you mean I'm defensive? I'm not defensive!" (Lol. This is just an example...uhm...I think.)
Many of these less than lovely traits have to do with the way we relate to others and they need to be healed so we can love well.
I've found that Our Lady is a great, great help for when we are going through these times of cleansing.
She sweetens even painful processes. Her "ways are pleasant ways and all her paths are peace".
Thank you, Lord, for Our Lady "full of grace".