My thanks to CSD elementary school for this helpful checklist. I didn't realize it would come in so handy navigating the internet too.
“Warning Signs of a Bully” Checklist
____ 1. Enjoys feeling powerful and in control
____ 2. Seeks to dominate and/or manipulate peers
____ 3. May be popular with other students, who envy his or her power
____ 4. Is physically larger and stronger than his or her peers
____ 5. Is impulsive
____ 6. Loves to win at everything; hates to lose at anything. Is both a poor winner (boastful, arrogant) and a poor loser
____ 7. Seems to derive satisfaction or pleasure from other’s fear, discomfort, or pain
____ 8. Seems overly concerned with others “disrespecting” him or her; equates “respect” with fear
____ 9. Seems to have little or no empathy for others
____ 10. Seems to have little or no compassion for others
____ 11. Seems unable or unwilling to see things from another person’s perspective or “walk in someone else’s shoes”
____ 12. Seems willing to sue and abuse other people to get what he or she wants
____ 13. Defends his or her negative actions by insisting that others “deserved it, asked for it, or provoked” him or her; a conflict is always someone else’s fault
____ 14. Gets excited when conflicts arise between others
____ 15. Stays cool during conflicts in which he or she is directly involved
____ 16. Exhibits little or no emotion (flat affect) when talking about his or her part in a conflict
____ 17. Blames other people for his or her problems
____ 18. Refuses to accept responsibility for his or her negative behaviors
____ 19. Shows little or no remorse for his or her negative behaviors
____ 20. Lies in an attempt to stay out of trouble
____ 21. Expects to be “misunderstood, disrespected, and picked on;” attacks before he or she can be attacked
____ 22. Interprets ambiguous or innocent acts as purposeful and hostile; uses these as excuses to strike out at others verbally or physically
____ 23. “Tests” your authority by committing minor infractions, then waits to see what you’ll do about it
____ 24. Disregards or breaks rules
____ 25. Is generally defiant or oppositional toward adults
____ 26. Seeks/craves attention; seems just as satisfied with negative attention as positive attention
____ 27. Attracts more than the usual amount of negative attention from others; is yelled at or disciplined more often than other student
____ 28. Seems mainly concerned with his or her own pleasure and well-being
____ 29. Has a close network of a few friends (actually “henchmen” or “lieutenants”), who follow along with
whatever he or she wants to do
Well, I could say so much here! That last one about getting others to participate in their dirty work is most likely the hardest to cope with! I am so amazed that adults, and not just children can be like this and get other chilren or adults to do the most awful things that likely they would never "in their right minds" have done. Bullies can be very charismatic in personality and so convincing when they lie. It's great that the school has these handy and helpful handouts. This list reminds me of one or two people I know who are adults. It also reminded me of the man who put Fr. MacRae in jail. So sad, but it is always good to know what the red flags are. Thanks for posting this!
ReplyDeleteHi Monica,
ReplyDeleteYes, this list reminds me of some adults too. Actually, that's why I put it up. The strange thing is that bullies rarely recognize their bullying for what it is. It IS scary how they get others to do things they wouldn't normally do.
Congratulations on the blog nomination!
This is just excellent. About three months ago I searched the Internet for a similar list for a lesson on Bullying I was preparing.
ReplyDeleteThanx Mary.
God bless.
My daughter is learning about bullying in school and I couldn't resist popping this list onto my blog. Especially after some of the stuff I've read online the past few weeks.
ReplyDeleteGod bless you too.
Some of that is pretty good. I take issue with a few of the points. but it would take too long to explain here. I'll make a post of it over at my own site.
ReplyDeleteI recently read something about people like this who are able to get others to do things they wouldn't normally do. I can't remember where I read it though. My mind is slipping these days...but anyway, my experience with bullies is that they can be almost hypnotic when you are around them if they have decided to have you as a friend. I remember not being able to think much for myself when I was around a particular person. I couldn't make good decisions and I lacked good judgement. I always felt stressed out though. When I stepped away from the friendship, I was finally able to think clearly again. I don't know what makes certain people so mezmerizing.
ReplyDeleteThis seems like a perfect description of an abusive spouse, too. Great list. Thanks for posting it.
ReplyDeleteFrom my experience with bullies, bullying is a defense mechanism to avoid dealing with severe abuse. Often the person has blocked consciousness of the abuse and is unaware of it being a motivating factor in his behavior. There are a lot of sociopaths and psychopaths out there who have completely deadened their consciences and bully others most evilly because they won't deal with their own stuff.