Thursday, May 3, 2012

...But You, You BE Love

I have the bad habit of hounding the Lord when I'm unsure of myself and my place in the "big picture". Problem being - the "big picture" is just too big for me and I often tend to question my place in the scheme of things. In a world so focused on productivity it's very easy to feel lost and unwanted and this is the position I found myself in recently. Confused and feeling as if I just might be expendable. To others, certainly, and maybe, just maybe, to the Lord? This is an area where I often have difficulty and this type of wrong thinking sneaks up on me and catches me off guard. I have spoken of this type of stinking thinking in previous posts and though I know this thinking is faulty, it still creeps in from time to time. (I wrote this post a while back before my posts on the false kingdoms we create for ourselves and saved it in draft form. Today, I figured, "Why not publish it? Surely others go through similar difficulties.")

I should have known that the Lord had a lesson in store for me. I just didn't realize just how powerful this lesson would be. The Lord was about to topple my false world (as usual) and set it aright again.

It began shortly after starting my series on the seven deadly sins. After reading through them a few times  I questioned the Lord:

"How dare I write these, Lord? What gives me the right to do this when I am obviously so full of the very things I am writing about?" I felt ashamed that I was still having trouble with the seven deadly sins (maybe not all seven but certainly a couple) and I wondered if God could possibly be thinking, "What unmitigated gall?! Who does she think she is?!"

I forgot that God does not think as we do and that his strength is made perfect in weakness. More importantly, the words I spoke in the previous paragraph lack humility and trust. I looked at myself and took my eyes off of Him. When I doubt the Lord like this I seem to lose what I call "the anointing". When this anointing comes upon me words flow out of me as easily as water flows down a mountain. When it's not there? It's like trying to pass a boulder through the eye of a needle. I'll write a bit more about this at some point because it's something that has always fascinated me and I can often pick up when someone else is writing under "the anointing" too because the Holy Spirit floods my being. It's a bit like getting zapped by electricity. No doubt it's the Lord's way of saying, "Pay attention! You need to read this!"

After I questioned the Lord and wallowed in self-pity for a sufficient amount of time (well, at least the Lord thought it was enough time), the Lord came back with:

"Who better?"

And He had a good point. Who better to write about the deadly sins than someone who struggles with them? Strange as it may seem, I learn from my own posts. While I am writing them I often become aware that the Holy Spirit is sometimes asking me to work on the very things I am writing about in a deeper way. And that He will teach me something new at the same time.

Back to the reason for this post. Over the past few months one of the questions that has often been on my lips during prayer has been:

"What's my mission, Lord? What did you create me to be? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing or am I failing utterly? Am I called to simply be a mother, a cleaner, a housewife? Why do I feel so unproductive and confused right now?

I  then compared myself (another mistake) to someone I know very well who seems to be extremely productive and found myself lacking.  "I wish I could be more like so-and-so, Lord."  Not expecting an answer, I was much surprised when I received a word that God had plans for "so and so", I was not to focus on others, and I was called to "be love".  I couldn't help but note the "BE" part of this word. It suggests more than simply to act in a loving manner. To "BE love" suggests that this love is already a part of us and simply needs to flow outward onto others. I knew this because I know about the indwelling of Love Himself, but I don't think it had sunk deeply enough into my heart yet. There is a huge chasm between head knowledge and heart knowledge.

I rarely share personal words but I decided to share this one because it contains a good lesson:

We are not loved for what we do but for who we are. It always comes back to this.  It was a reminder to me not to get caught up in the world's idea of productivity but rather to live in the present moment and allow the Lord to work through me, weaknesses and all. When I rely upon myself rather than God's good comes of it. When I rely on my own strength I quickly become discouraged, overwhelmed; I feel drained and paralyzed. When I lean on the Lord I feel peaceful  and quiet inside. The inner turmoil is dispersed, I am happier, and I have more energy.

Thank you, Lord, for correcting me.


I have no idea why there is a huge space from this point to my comment section. Anyone know how to fix it? Electronically challenged people DO still exist. I can't even figure out which of my husband's four remote controls turns on the TV yet!


  1. By the way, if anybody can even find this comment section would you by any chance know why there is such a huge space between the post and comments?

    Your electronically challenged friend:)

  2. Hi Mary! And here I thought you had turned off comments for this post. I almost missed your comment at the end :) I can so relate to this.... Thanks for posting :) So happy God helped us find eachother in this vast network of millions of people. I am glad you wrote and posted about the deadly sins because they had been on my heart, and your writing on them was a gift from God. Thank you and keep following those promptings of God to share your heart because it is Love that you share. Love you!

  3. Hi Mary,

    I think you just need to delete all the spaces at the end of the post!

    Anointing is a powerful word for this powerful post! Your following of God's will and "being love" is very strong!

    And....your words hit home in my heart tonight. I've been feeling insecure, uneducated and poor and couldn't understand why God would put me into so many situations where I feel as if I don't belong. I forget that wherever He places me, I am never alone, that He is always with me giving me the strength and the courage to carry out His plan for me. It really is all about trust, isn't it? How much I lack in that virtue!

    Thank you for your wise and wonderful presence in the blogosphere, thank you for writing this post and thank you for your beautiful friendship!

  4. Check the HTML section of your blog post. OR- check to see where your cursor ends. Just click on your post and then click your down arrow to see where it ends. You may have too many " returns" at the end of your post. If that isn't it, I dont know!

    Great post. Remember that God not only loves you for who you are, it's more like like God loves you AS you are. Nothing we do or don't do changes that. Ever.

  5. When the disciples and early Christians performed miracles it was not them who actually performed the miracles but it was the Risen Christ through them.

    The Lord even today performs miracles through people.

    He chooses the people; it is not we who decide we will perform miracles in His name. Our Faith is a start. He does the rest.

    He chooses people like you and me and the other Christian Bloggers to witness in His name. We all do so in different ways. Some use personal experiences and family stories in their witness, others discern and teach Bible passages, some use humour and so on.

    It's not for us to judge how well we perform. We're only the vehicles through which He talks.

    Remember Moses said he was not worthy because he stammered. But God thought differently and chose him all the same.

    Your posts Mary perform wonders here; and you never know who else is reading them silently and not commenting. If only one person reads what you write and gets closer to God; then your purpose has been served. And what a miracle it is that your writing has influenced someone towards God.

    The doubts that we all have about our capabilities are only put there by the devil to confuse us. Just as he confused Adam and Eve and many others since then.

    I'm glad you're Blogging again. I thought you'd given up on us.

    And by the way, the reason for the long gap between your post and the comments box is to teach us patience and perseverance.

    God bless.

  6. Mary,

    I can see your comment but it is a long way down the page!

    I visited earlier and then I went away to ponder your words and now I'm back!

    I have to admit I've been very busy doing and not leaving enough time for being. When this happens I take my eyes off our Lord and I often get "discouraged, overwhelmed" as you described. I wonder how I dare write. Who do I think I am? What should I be doing?

    I have been thinking about your words about anointing. Yes! I have noticed that sometimes words just flow out of me without effort and I wonder where they come from. It's as if they were meant to be written. And at other times "it's like trying to pass a boulder through the eye of a needle." You describe that so well! I'd love to hear more about your thoughts on this subject.

    "To "BE love" suggests that this love is already a part of us and simply needs to flow outward onto others." I am still pondering this!

    Mary, I suspect I don't understand half what you have written because I don't take enough time to sit and think and pray.

    God bless!

  7. I have felt like this about blogging, Mary. It's hard to know your place, sometimes, when you're just a very small part of it.

    I can relate to what you say about writing - though, in my case, it's just that I understand more when I write it - it's not that it's good writing or useful, like yours is.

    I love what you say about being Love and being loved for who you are. This is how I feel about my children so it makes sense that God loves us like that, too.

    I once complained to God that I was useless because I was weak and I heard the words 'I want you in your weakness." I don't normally have mystical experiences so the memory has stayed with me.

    Thank you for your encouraging post, Mary :-)

    God bless :-)

  8. Mary,
    This is an excellent post, especially for those of us who write in the Catholic blogosphere. I sometimes worry that in my own writing I can sound too preachy. I always try to determine why I am writing what I write~is it for my glory or God's? The comments section can also be a source of unfounded worry: "No one commented, no one read it; it must be a bad post..." well maybe, but maybe not. Maybe there is one soul out there who needed to read what was written and did~the comments or lack of them don't really matter.
    I'll end this before it becomes a blog post. Bottom line as you said, is trust and humility in all that we do, not just writing. With those two things we can be love.
    PS- I have no idea about the space issue, but an interesting sidenote- as I was reading what you wrote about the word you received, it was right next to the image of the Sacred Heart on your sidebar (at least on my screen)It felt a little like hearing it from Jesus Himself!

  9. is through the weak that His glory shines. I know from experience since I am constantly wondering why He chose me for some many wonderful vocations. It is truly humbling.

  10. Thank you, Kathryn! I still can't get the prayer of abandonment you wrote out of my head. We should publish it on the community blog. Would you mind if we did? (I'll leave this message on your site too.)

  11. Hi Anne,
    I tried to delete the space but it didn't work :)

    Thank you for your kind comments and thank you for your post "God put me there" - your words really hit home with me. I've struggled with the same issues and your post put things in their proper perspective. Sending you a great big hug, my friend!

  12. Hi Colleen,
    HTML what? And I never curse :) Returns? No, that's okay, this laptop is working just fine. Lost the receipt anyway ;)

    Thank you for your beautiful words of encouragement after you were finished speaking in tongues (grin)!

    God bless you, Colleen!

  13. Hi Victor,
    You have to be the kindest (and funniest) blogger I've ever met. Thank you.

    I guess you should know - one of the reasons I haven't been publishing on the community site is because I didn't want to accidentally ruin the blog. On Beautiful Gate it doesn't matter if I blow it but it matters on the other site because it's everyone's. I should realize by now that none of this is important to God because I know He works through the weak. I'm going to just start focusing on God's strength instead. Thank you for all your words of encouragement over the years. I think I would have stopped blogging a while back were it not for you. God bless.

  14. Hi Sue,
    Yes, I believe God has given you an anointing when it comes to your writing. I say this because I have felt tremendous witnesses in the spirit while on your site.

    I actually started a post on this "anointing" but it's not finished. What some people don't understand about writing under the anointing is that it's not about perfect grammar, fancy words, great theological knowledge or anything like that. The truth is that one "boo" written under the anointing has more power than pages of material written from strictly human effort. The anointing touches hearts instead of heads.

    This is not to say that writing can't be a natural gift also. I can think of a number of people who have both a natural gift for writing and an anointing on top of it.

    I guess it can be compared with a person who has a healing gift. The anointing of the Holy Spirit falls upon them and this power from the Holy Spirit flows outward to heal others. It's reall God doing the healing but He is using a human as the vehicle for that healing.

    Thanks for commenting, Sue :)

  15. Vicky,
    Funny you should mention the word you got. I've received a similar word, "My strength is made perfect in weakness" a number of times. God has more difficulty working through the strong than the weak though I don't know why. St Paul speaks about this beautifully.

    You got a confirmation through Theresa :) It's right after Karin's comment.

    I understand more when I write too. It helps things sink in! And your writing IS good and useful. You have a beautiful spirit and it shows.

  16. Hi Karin,
    Yeah, I worry about the preachy thing too. The things is that when someone writes under the anointing the words come with authority so a person has no choice but to write them in this manner. The words can come off as preachy when in reality they are forceful because of the truth behind them.

    For me, my biggest problem is that I have to stop worrying about what others think of me and just do the work the Lord has called me to do.

    Next to the Heart of Jesus is the perfect place for "be love" :)

    God bless!

  17. Hi Theresa,
    Until I saw your message on Sarah's blog I thought you stopped blogging! After my break I kept trying to get on your old site and I was wondering what happened. I'm glad you are still blogging. I was thinking about you the other day while I was reading a book. I know you loved Br. Lawrence's book and I was wondering if you've read "Let Go" by Fenelon. For some reason it reminded me of Practice of the Presence of God and I thought you'd like it. Have you read it?

    Great comment by the way. I hope you and the crew are well:)

  18. Mary, all we need to do is to love Jesus and act like putty in His hands. We don't need to know the worthiness of what we do, we just need to do what He asks. He'll make sure the ones He wants to see it do. I think a lot about how Jesus died for me. No matter how decrepit and useless I feel, which is a temptation from the devil, I know I am precious to Him. So take courage and just put one foot in front of the other, listen to His voice and press on. You'll be fine. God bless you.

  19. Thank you, Barb. This is a beautiful and encouraging comment.

    Would you consider putting the series on prayer you wrote on the community site too? It was excellent and should be spread. I would like to link to them myself here if you don't mind.

    God bless.

  20. Hi, your blog really touches me, have been reading it for a while... Just wanted you to know about a website i started It's a place for Bible study guides.. I also put a forum in that can be viewed from a mobile device.. I couldn't find where to contact you privately so I'm commenting, hope that is okay. :) God Bless!

  21. Thanks for your comment, Anonymous! I'll pop by and visit your new site! God bless you, too :)