Wednesday, August 17, 2011

Their Angels see the Face of God

Earlier today I read this interview with Corey Feldman, who is claiming that pedophilia is the number 1 problem for child stars. Many in Hollywood seems to be waving these accusations away but this isn't the first time he has spoken about this. Here's an article from 2008 where he also speaks about being abused, as does Corey Haim, his co-star who died in 2010. Whenever I read stories of children being sexually abused it sickens me to the very depths of my being. These children have to live with this horror for the rest of their lives ...if they make it that far.

I first met Diane C. when she came to work for my mom about 15 years ago. She was a tiny little thing, never grew much past four and a half feet. She suffered from a condition called Hypopituitary Dwarfism and even as an adult was about the size of a child of about 9 or 10. She showed me a picture of herself as a 7 year old and you wouldn't have taken her to be more than the age of three or four from the picture. She was abandoned by her mother not long after her birth and was raised by her father. She was also raped by this very same father around the age of three and was placed in a foster home. You would think that her problems would have ended there, but she was also abused both physically and sexually in 7 out of the 13 foster homes she lived in.... until she was finally placed with a wonderful woman during her teenage years. According to Diane, this was the only place where she ever received any kind of love or nurturing and she considered this woman her "mom". Diane loved dancing, working out, and had an sweet naivete to her that I still can't explain. She was also an alcoholic, despite trying to give up drinking many times.

I remember one day I pulled into my mom's driveway and saw Diane getting out of her car with tears running down her face. I asked her why she was so upset and she pulled out the picture of herself at seven years old. The picture showed a delicate featured, beautiful and very fragile looking child. I knew what this was about and reached out to hug her but she pulled away. "If you touch me I will break." So we sat on the front steps and I patted her shoulder until she calmed down. "Why, Mary? Why would God allow such things to happen to me?"  I couldn't answer her question...I didn't know why. What do you say to someone who has been wounded so grievously time and time again? You can't spout platitudes like, "It will be okay." It's not okay. All I could say to her was "I'm so sorry, Diane, that anyone would ever do such a thing to you or any child. It's evil...pure evil, and they should be in prison." (I believe her father did spend some time in prison but not the others who abused her.)

Diane was also suicidal. My mom stepped in so many times and tried to get her help but because Diane was an adult there was only so much she could do. Many people loved Diane but she could never see herself as lovable in any way...the childhood wounds were too deep. I used to beg God to heal her. I know that my mother and father prayed for her all the time too.

 I remember the day when I received the phone call that Diane had succeeded in ending her life. She was found in her bathtub by a friend. She had cut her own throat. I cried so hard. I was angry, too, for all the hurt and pain she suffered in her life. I was angry that the people who were given the charge to love her would brutalize a child in such a way. She was a human being, not a thing to be shuffled around from house to house and treated with such brutality.

I pray that God heals what we never could.

Shadow Girl

the gates of never-never land
you entered a broken reed
fallow the field of your youth
no seed of love sown therein
like a deck of cards
shuffled from house to house
where many skeletons lived
in dark cellar closets hidden
home a word you never knew
a tiny dancer lost in shadows
don't snap my wings you cried
i cried
if you hug me i will break
shattered you were, in pieces
too many cracks had weakened
the whole and you leaked throughout
a broken ship listing skyward
a fragile bird, prey for hawks
and other scavengers of the night
look both ways before you cross
too young I could not lead
with a shuttered heart
you could not follow

Please pray for children who have been sexually abused. I shared Diane's story so that people could see a glimpse of the pain those who are abused go through. I'd also like to recommend the book
Third Floor Window  by Colleen Spiro. This book is not only for those who have been sexually abused's a book for everyone who treasures the children of this earth.

"See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father."   Mt 18:10


  1. My oh my. Thanks for sharing that story. My own sister has wanted to take her own life a few times. She is in a bad way now physically and emotionally and needs prayers.
    Beautiful poem.

  2. Mary, this just sickens me as breaks my heart to know such things happen and yet happen they do, more often than I'll probably ever know. I don't understand our world at all...I remember researching Sri Lanka before we went there and discovered that this beautiful jewel of an island is known in certain circles of men in America and Europe as a "pedophiles paradise" because the children there are considered the most beautiful and innocent to these perverted men. I. Don't. Understand. Why do some people look at a child and instead of cherishing and wanting to protect their precious innocence instead want to destroy it. The exploitation of children is so real and so tragic that it baffles my mind. God have mercy on us all. I'll remember Diane in my prayers as well; I think that the Lord's compassion is beyond our comprehension when these wounded souls meet Him face to face.

  3. Powerful and moving post, have prayed about this before ,I will renew my prayers . It is very, very hard and sad.

  4. This is so terribly sad, Mary, and your poem is hauntingly beautiful. It's just so hard to understand how anyone could hurt little babies and children or the vulnerable and elderly, too. I will add my prayers to yours. God bless, Vicky.

  5. Thank you Mary for sharing. I am so very sadden by this story. I have read Colleen's powerful book. Thank you for sharing it. Hugs to you.

  6. This is so heartbreaking and yet there are more victims of both physical and sexual abuse than we could ever imagine.

  7. Thank you, Mary for highlighting the heartbreaking pain of abused children. Yes, we who have no experience in this area can only catch a glimpse of the pain, but we need to read and talk and think about this, so we can grow in compassion and understanding and pray fervently for the healing of those affected, and for the prevention of more cases of abuse. I must read Colleen's book. God bless.

  8. Colleen,
    I will keep your sister in my prayers in a special way. I still pray for Diane, too. I only shared part of her story here but I truly don't know how she survived her childhood. In some ways she never grew up. There was something very childlike about her - as if she stopped growing not just physically due to the dwarfism but in every other way also due to the harm done to her soul.

  9. Colleen,
    Yes, I've heard stories of Sri Lanka too. I remember watching a documentary on TV about pedophiles and their "vacation trips" to this place a few years back. It made my blood run cold. I cannot understand this either.

    I agree with you about the Lord's compassion when He meets souls like this face to face. Diane prayed, believed in God, and was pro-life...except when it came to her own. Jesus knows the suffering she endured...He suffered it with her. Thank you for your prayers for her.

  10. Thank you, Marion. I think it is the saddest thing in the world. This crime breaks my heart more than all the others put together. Years ago I "spiritually adopted" an abused child from the state next to ours. She was actually found chained in the cellar of her parents house and her story broke my heart. If we could all spiritually adopt some of these kids maybe we could prevent some of them from taking their own lives like Diane did. I do this all the time now. Our biggest battles are in the spiritual realm and our prayers can help them immensely.

  11. Vicky,
    This world is in tremendous trouble. The statistics on child abuse are shocking and are another symptom of a world which has, for the most part, turned it's back on God.

  12. JBR,
    Hugs to you too, my friend. I know you understand all too well the pain of this kind of betrayal and my prayers are always with you.

  13. DG,
    I cannot believe how many people I know personally who have gone through this. I just don't get it.

  14. Sue,
    I agree. All these things need to be brought into the light of God. Colleen's book affected me powerfully and I highly recommend it. I wish Diane could have read it - maybe it would have helped her to understand that she was not alone and healing IS possible though it may have taken many years. Unfortunately, Diane died before I met Colleen and read her book.

  15. Mary, Diane's story and many like hers break my heart. Dear God! Why do the children continue to suffer such horrors at the hands of evil people!

  16. Mary, I read this a few days ago on the reader and only now have chance to comment. I will be remembering Diane for the rest of my life. I think it is so sad that she was so hurt she couldn't even stand for you to touch her even though you were touching her with love and compassion. I am confident in the mercy of Christ that your prayers of healing have born fruit, and that she now knows the love and goodness she was denied in this life.

  17. Esther and Colleen,
    I will never, ever, forget her. Her story and her fragilty touched my heart in a way that it had never been touched before. I think Diane was incapable of receiving love from others because of the years of chronic abuse. I understood instantly what she meant by her words. They rang through my mind for years and still do. I believe Christ treated her with immense gentleness when she died. He knew her pain.