Their Angels see the Face of God

Earlier today I read this interview with Corey Feldman, who is claiming that pedophilia is the number 1 problem for child stars. Many in Hollywood seems to be waving these accusations away but this isn't the first time he has spoken about this. Here's an article from 2008 where he also speaks about being abused, as does Corey Haim, his co-star who died in 2010. Whenever I read stories of children being sexually abused it sickens me to the very depths of my being. These children have to live with this horror for the rest of their lives ...if they make it that far.

I first met Diane C. when she came to work for my mom about 15 years ago. She was a tiny little thing, never grew much past four and a half feet. She suffered from a condition called Hypopituitary Dwarfism and even as an adult was about the size of a child of about 9 or 10. She showed me a picture of herself as a 7 year old and you wouldn't have taken her to be more than the age of three or four from the picture. She was abandoned by her mother not long after her birth and was raised by her father. She was also raped by this very same father around the age of three and was placed in a foster home. You would think that her problems would have ended there, but she was also abused both physically and sexually in 7 out of the 13 foster homes she lived in.... until she was finally placed with a wonderful woman during her teenage years. According to Diane, this was the only place where she ever received any kind of love or nurturing and she considered this woman her "mom". Diane loved dancing, working out, and had an sweet naivete to her that I still can't explain. She was also an alcoholic, despite trying to give up drinking many times.

I remember one day I pulled into my mom's driveway and saw Diane getting out of her car with tears running down her face. I asked her why she was so upset and she pulled out the picture of herself at seven years old. The picture showed a delicate featured, beautiful and very fragile looking child. I knew what this was about and reached out to hug her but she pulled away. "If you touch me I will break." So we sat on the front steps and I patted her shoulder until she calmed down. "Why, Mary? Why would God allow such things to happen to me?"  I couldn't answer her question...I didn't know why. What do you say to someone who has been wounded so grievously time and time again? You can't spout platitudes like, "It will be okay." It's not okay. All I could say to her was "I'm so sorry, Diane, that anyone would ever do such a thing to you or any child. It's evil...pure evil, and they should be in prison." (I believe her father did spend some time in prison but not the others who abused her.)

Diane was also suicidal. My mom stepped in so many times and tried to get her help but because Diane was an adult there was only so much she could do. Many people loved Diane but she could never see herself as lovable in any way...the childhood wounds were too deep. I used to beg God to heal her. I know that my mother and father prayed for her all the time too.

 I remember the day when I received the phone call that Diane had succeeded in ending her life. She was found in her bathtub by a friend. She had cut her own throat. I cried so hard. I was angry, too, for all the hurt and pain she suffered in her life. I was angry that the people who were given the charge to love her would brutalize a child in such a way. She was a human being, not a thing to be shuffled around from house to house and treated with such brutality.

I pray that God heals what we never could.



Shadow Girl

the gates of never-never land
you entered a broken reed
fallow the field of your youth
no seed of love sown therein
like a deck of cards
shuffled from house to house
where many skeletons lived
in dark cellar closets hidden
home a word you never knew
a tiny dancer lost in shadows
don't snap my wings you cried
i cried
if you hug me i will break
shattered you were, in pieces
too many cracks had weakened
the whole and you leaked throughout
a broken ship listing skyward
a fragile bird, prey for hawks
and other scavengers of the night
look both ways before you cross
too young I could not lead
with a shuttered heart
you could not follow


Please pray for children who have been sexually abused. I shared Diane's story so that people could see a glimpse of the pain those who are abused go through. I'd also like to recommend the book
Third Floor Window  by Colleen Spiro. This book is not only for those who have been sexually abused ...it's a book for everyone who treasures the children of this earth.


"See that you do not despise one of these little ones, for I say to you that their angels in heaven always look upon the face of my heavenly Father."   Mt 18:10