As We Forgive Those...

Eduard Veith: courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

I've heard people say, "I cannot forgive this person but I do not wish them in hell." What they may not understand is that this is the spiritual reality that underlies not forgiving others, the condemnation of the person, and this is why God warns us about it over and over in the Bible. The refusal to forgive is your personal "judgment" on the soul you withhold forgiveness from. When you don't forgive you are in essence saying that your judgment holds more water than God's. We align ourselves with the accuser instead of the God of mercy whom we claim to trust.

I am not being harsh in my assessment of unforgiveness.  In the Bible, Jesus himself makes this very clear to us numerous times (see below). The Catechism of the Catholic Church has this to say regarding
"forgive us our trespasses as we forgive those who trespass against us" :

2840 Now - and this is daunting - this outpouring of mercy cannot penetrate our hearts as long as we have not forgiven those who have trespassed against us. Love, like the Body of Christ, is indivisible; we cannot love the God we cannot see if we do not love the brother or sister we do see. In refusing to forgive our brothers and sisters, our hearts are closed and their hardness makes them impervious to the Father's merciful love; but in confessing our sins, our hearts are opened to his grace.

"Love, like the Body of Christ, is indivisible" - this statement says so much. Who are we harming by our refusal to forgive? The entire Body of Christ, that's who. Everyone.  And mercy cannot penetrate our hearts if we refuse to forgive. Daunting, for sure. Thank you, Lord, for Confession, that beautiful Sacrament that lays bare our hearts so that we can be healed.

2841 This petition is so important that it is the only one to which the Lord returns and which he develops explicitly in the Sermon on the Mount. This crucial requirement of the covenant mystery is impossible for man. But "with God all things are possible."
. . . as we forgive those who trespass against us

2842 This "as" is not unique in Jesus' teaching: "You, therefore, must be perfect, as your heavenly Father is perfect"; "Be merciful, even as your Father is merciful"; "A new commandment I give to you, that you love one another, even as I have loved you, that you also love one another." It is impossible to keep the Lord's commandment by imitating the divine model from outside; there has to be a vital participation, coming from the depths of the heart, in the holiness and the mercy and the love of our God. Only the Spirit by whom we live can make "ours" the same mind that was in Christ Jesus. Then the unity of forgiveness becomes possible and we find ourselves "forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave" us.

2843 Thus the Lord's words on forgiveness, the love that loves to the end, become a living reality. the parable of the merciless servant, which crowns the Lord's teaching on ecclesial communion, ends with these words: "So also my heavenly Father will do to every one of you, if you do not forgive your brother from your heart." It is there, in fact, "in the depths of the heart," that everything is bound and loosed. It is not in our power not to feel or to forget an offense; but the heart that offers itself to the Holy Spirit turns injury into compassion and purifies the memory in transforming the hurt into intercession.

2844 Christian prayer extends to the forgiveness of enemies, transfiguring the disciple by configuring him to his Master. Forgiveness is a high-point of Christian prayer; only hearts attuned to God's compassion can receive the gift of prayer. Forgiveness also bears witness that, in our world, love is stronger than sin. the martyrs of yesterday and today bear this witness to Jesus. Forgiveness is the fundamental condition of the reconciliation of the children of God with their Father and of men with one another.

Reading this section on forgiveness from the Catechism of the Catholic Church makes me very grateful to be Catholic. What a treasury of wisdom we have at our fingertips!

Here are two links on unforgiveness that I also found helpful:

Unforgiveness is the cause...

Human Defenses Against Forgiveness

Mercy - Limited or Not?

Robert la Longe - Sacred Heart of Jesus

Does mercy have a limit?

Yes and no. Mercy is limitless on God's end, it is on our end that mercy has it limits. In other words, mercy is limited by the narrowness and constriction of our own hearts. God's mercy has no limit but we can limit the expression of God's mercy by saying no to it. God is willing to forgive all of our sins but...

(There's always a but, isn't there?)

... we have to forgive others as well.

When we pray the Our Father we say, "Forgive us our trespasses AS we forgive those who trespass against us." We see here that forgiving others is one of the conditions for receiving mercy. We have to forgive others if we want to be forgiven ourselves. At the very least, the desire to forgive must be present, Jesus will help with the rest. Desire is a great thing - it leaves a large opening for God to work with.

Not forgiving others means that we want them to be held bound for their sins against us. The wound was too large, too brutal, too cruel to ever be repaired, how can I forgive?  This holding bound their sins in turn holds us bound to our own sins while at the same time it binds us in a negative way to the very person we refuse to forgive!

How can that be?! I mean, they did this brutal terrible thing and I could reap what THEY sowed? Huh?

Doesn't seem to make sense, does it?

Until we realize that unforgiveness has the potential to be one of the worst sins of all. It is not a quality from God. Ever. It has one source and the source is evil. According to St. Augustine and St. Thomas Aquinas, evil is defined as "the absence of good". So, technically evil is not a something, it is an absence of something. In the case of  sin (of unforgiveness or any sin) it is the absence of virtue to some degree or another. For instance, satan is evil because there is no good in him. He is virtueless. We, on the other hand, are kind of a mixed bag...lol.

The definition of evil as the absence of good is an important observation because it helps us understand how to overcome both the sins of others against us and the sin we see in ourselves. For the first, we would ask for the grace to forgive, as well as the virtue of love and humility to battle against the lack of love and the pride which leads to unforgiveness. For the second, we would pray for and practice the opposing virtues of whatever vices we are trying to rid ourselves of.

Unforgiveness can lead to a hardening of the heart and if this potential for hardening is fulfilled to its ultimate capacity its end result could be the complete and utter hardening of the human heart, which grace can no longer pierce because the person has refused to allow it to be pierced. It's a total turning away from God, a refusal to love AND a refusal OF love.

In some ways, unforgiveness, if held to the end of life is worse than murder. Why? Because  unforgiveness is basically the intent to impose spiritual death. This is the spiritual intent which lies beneath unforgiveness - that a person should reap what they sowed for all eternity. Though we may not see it as such, it is an attempt to usurp the authority of God whose mercy is given to all who ask with sincere hearts. It is an attempt to usurp the justice of God as well. It aligns us with "the accuser of our brethren" instead of aligning us with the Lord, who is rich in mercy.

Unforgiveness is saying to another, "You are not worthy of mercy."

God says otherwise.




"My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of My goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let My Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace."                (The Diary of St. Maria Faustina Kowalska)



(This post has a second part because it was too long to post all at once. With Lent coming up I thought mercy versus unforgiveness would be a fitting subject to write about. The second part speaks a bit more about the importance of forgiveness and delves into what the Catechism teaches about it.)

Sins of the past

My past, O Lord, to your mercy; my present, to your love; my future, to your Providence!

                                                                                         St. Padre Pio

Life is a series of present moments. The past is just a shadow of the present and the future has not arrived yet, so the "here and now" is all anyone can count on with any certainty. Sanctifying each of these present moments, by living in the Divine Will, is our job here on this earth. We may at times fail in this duty but we should not let this discourage us, nor should we dwell on it except to try and see what we can learn from our mistakes. It helps to look at the past as a teacher; we can reflect on what it has taught us without getting caught in its traps. The traps, whether it's focusing on sins you may have committed or on how others have sinned against you, can lead to despair if we dwell on them too much. For those who are discouraged by past sins, it's best to leave it in the hands of Jesus. I have learned this the hard way, of course! Hopefully, my words can help others not make the same mistake. By placing the past in the hands of Jesus, I do not mean to suggest that counseling is not helpful. Often, counseling can help those who have suffered traumas and can speed up the healing process. A third party can often put things into perspective better than we can on our own. It's okay to acknowledge our hurts as long as we don't make them our primary focus by constantly reliving them. In this post I'm talking more about sin in general , not about extremely traumatic experiences.

Satan exists, though he would prefer us to think that he doesn't. This makes his job much easier because he knows we won't gear up for battle if we don't believe there is an enemy. Satan has an army and this army will use any weapon it can to attack us at our weak points if we allow it. One tactic that he uses is to try to keep us living in a past that no longer exists. The Blood of Christ covers the past, to doubt this is to doubt the power of His saving blood. Wounds heal if left to God's mercy. We can see this in our physical bodies, and the physical is a reflection of the spiritual. If we constantly "pick" at a wound, it continues to bleed. It's better to leave it alone and to focus on the present battle while trusting the Divine Physician to take care of our wounds.

It takes guts to face Jesus, admit our sinfulness (or to forgive the sins of those who have harmed us) and then move on. To do this requires not only looking at oneself squarely in the face but also looking God in the eye and saying, "Yes, Lord, I was wrong and I'm sorry." Humans like to be right, after all (lol). To forgive others we must see that our own nature is as prone to sinfulness as theirs. The degree of sin may differ but the tendency to sin is the same since we all have fallen natures. When we refuse to forgive others we condemn ourselves. Forgiveness is not a feeling, it is a choice. We choose to forgive with our will, not our emotions. Emotions cannot always be trusted and can hold us back if we let them rule us. They are good but they are subject to us and we should should not be subject to them.

We may end up with some battle scars in life but at least we can say we had the courage to enter the battle arena. Our scars are our badges of honor and scar tissue is tougher than regular skin. Life's tests make us stronger if we let them. We take our memories, both good and bad, into the present with us. And while the past may be a nice place to visit on occasion...I wouldn't want to live there.

If you think that you are holy - be really worried!

A while back I wrote a post about being nice and what a problem it could be if the sweetness was simply a mask or surface quality that hides the truth about oneself. I am always amazed at how human nature likes to hide and protect itself from the unmasking which we all must go through to be healed by the Lord. This was a big problem for me because people often commented,"She's so nice" or "What a sweet girl you are." These are terms I've heard all my life because by nature I am basically a gentle person. Or was; I'm a bit more fiery now. The truth was:
For a long time, I was nice and sweet and filled with interior rot. The sweetness was a facade that hid a multitude of sins. Even worse, was my lack of awareness of how deep this ran. I moseyed along through life thinking I was doing pretty good and thinking I was at least average on the goodness scale. I'm sure you can guess what happened next. The Lord came along and quickly disabused me of this notion. Wham! Like getting hit with a ton of bricks. After my conversion I was in shock at the actual state of my soul. And the Lord was being gentle!
Why do I write about this? Because I believe there are many people out there who, like me, would be apalled at the true state of their soul. Trust me on this one, please. What? You think my name is Nicewarner for nothing? C'mon, the Lord has too great a sense of humor for that. [lol]
Seriously, though, what I am saying is true. We are not as good as we think we are. If you think you are holy- be really worried. Trust me on this one too, please. Most human beings are masters of self-deceit. This is why we are so in need of God's grace and love. Only He understands the depth of our fallen nature and He loves us anyway. But we must be honest with Him and ourselves so that He can do his healing work in us. He not only wants but deeply desires to do this for us if we will let Him. It's not always pleasant but it is freeing. There is one catch: to be forgiven and healed....we must first believe that we have sinned.