You Have to Read This!

  At the Gates of Heaven - This post by Victor Moubarak is hilarious! Check it out!

The First Cut is the Deepest

In my last post I spoke about spiritual pride and how easily I got caught in this trap during my early walk with the Lord. I wasn't kidding about being devastated when He revealed to me that I was about as far from a saint as one could be. When the Lord first starts performing surgery in this area, the first cut is the deepest. By deepest, I mean most painful. Why? Because it's performed without anesthesia. Or with very little anesthesia.

Humility is God's anesthesia and when one has very little of this virtue, the divine surgery hurts tremendously. I was depressed and it bordered on despair. Here I was thinking I was giving my all to the Lord and He was dissatisfied (or maybe He wasn't but it sure felt this way).

I mean, what a waste! Here I was determined to pray an Our Father or a Hail Mary for every single person on this earth (and well on my way to doing so) when the Lord stopped me dead in my tracks! My Pieta book with the series of prayers to be said daily for months on end, plucked from my hands! My Rosaries, my novenas? Poof! Gone in a flash!

"I prayed that whole darn book over and over for nothing, Lord?"  (Well, I never actually made it through the whole year of St. Bridget's prayers though I sure as heck tried more than once.)

"And what about the six billion Hail Mary's I was well on my way to doing?! Dust?"

This was the first time I was booted off my throne and I wasn't liking it one bit.

"I suppose the Perpetual (man, that thing took forever)  Novena for the poor souls is off too?"

Prayer had become a "fig leaf", not a conversation with God.

In truth, the Lord was doing me a great kindness by teaching me you can't buy your way into heaven. Not only that, He was showing me "my" Rosaries, "my" Novenas, "my" way bore little resemblance to His way. His way was grace and I had a lot to learn in this area. I had to learn to pray with the heart and that the power in prayer stems from the Person, God,  behind the prayer,  not from the prayer itself. Added to that, I never shut up. Silence is an integral part of prayer; it's rude to do all the talking.  Listening matters.

Prayer is good. Novenas are wonderful. But following the leading of the Holy Spirit is the best. I DO still pray the Rosary and Novenas...but not for the same reasons.

"So Lord, how about the three day warning before my death? Is that one still a go?"  Lol. (Those who have read the older Pieta books will know what I mean ;)

Excessive Religiosity

Tissot: The Pharisee and the Publican

As human beings we have a tendency to cling to things with a tenacious grip. Whether it be people, objects, our viewpoints, or even our sins, we cling, cling, cling. Even to "religious stuff". We insist that people look at life through our eyes, blinded though these eyes may be. Though we read in the Bible that ALL have sinned, we may secretly harbor the thought that we don't sin all that much and surely God can see that. Like little robots we make sure we do everything precisely and correctly. Mass every day? Piece of cake! Four Rosaries? Done! A couple of Mercy Chaplets to top it off? No problem! Church committees, Eucharistic minister, Lector....anything for the Lord! Right?

No, not always. As a matter of fact? Unlikely. The things I mention above are very good things provided we understand that they are means and not ends in themselves. We are very good at fooling ourselves and thinking we are holier than we really are, especially if the outward "signs" look good.

Many of you who have walked through the desert (spiritually) for long periods of time know that God strips us of our own ideas of holiness. Often our thoughts on sanctity bear little resemblance to the Lord's. Excessive religiosity is often a symptom of  spiritual pride and is not an area that the Lord overlooks. It's often one of the first areas He works on after some of  the more "obvious" sins  are gone. This is an area in which we are purified and it can be difficult because we were often taught that the way we are doing things IS holy.  And it can be for some, if we are very, very, humble....which most of us are not.

It can be a tough road because we honestly believe we are doing something good; on the outside we make sure to act humbly before all, but inside we secretly think we just might be saints already. Despite clear warnings from the saints, not too long after my conversion I had a big problem in this area. Yes, St. Teresa warned me and warned me in her books but I thought, "Surely this doesn't apply to me." After all, I was being filled with spiritual consolations so I had to be doing something right, yes? Flooded with gifts, loaded with consolations. "Wow!" I thought.

Now I know why they call this period "the honeymoon".  I should have known there was much more to all this.

The truth is that I reeked to high heaven. (No doubt to the depths of hell, too.) Here I was hoping for the odor of sanctity and all I smelled like was a garbage pail.

 Sulphur even.

"Oh, c'mon Mary, surely you weren't dumb enough to fall for this?"

Heck, yes I was! Dumber even because I wallowed in it for a while! Needless to say, the "honeymoon" was quite short because the Lord wasn't going to allow this to go on for long.

I can still picture Satan laughing with glee, no doubt saying, "Let's get her to think she's a saint already, then our work will be so easy. (Satan is lazy and likes to take the shortest and quickest paths to destroying souls if he can.)

The Lord quickly began to disabuse me of my false notion of my own sanctity. And because I was so prideful I was devastated. Cut to the core!

 Embarrassed too.

But still... I mean:

Good grief!

I was only allowed to be a saint for six months?

(Grin)

Okay, I'm kidding.

The truth is: we really have to beware of this type of  "pseudo-transformation", the transformation of the outer person without the deep inner transformation that all of us so desperately need.  Understanding this is crucial to our spiritual progression. I think this is an area where many people get "stuck" and this is why the saints warn us so often about not getting caught in this particular trap.


When beginners become aware of their own fervor and diligence in their spiritual works and devotional exercises, this prosperity of theirs gives rise to secret pride - though holy things tend of their own nature to humility - because of their imperfections; and the issue is that they conceive a certain satisfaction in the contemplation of their works and of themselves. From the same source, too, proceeds that empty eagerness which they display in speaking of the spiritual life before others, and sometimes as teachers rather than learners. They condemn others in their heart when they see that they are not devout in their way. Sometimes also they say it in words, showing themselves herein to be like the Pharisee, who in the act of prayer boasted of his own works and despised the publican.                             St. John of the Cross

(For a good laugh you can read just how bad my problem with spiritual pride was: The First Cut is the Deepest.)

What Good CATholics do in Their Spare Time

Click here for a good laugh. My vote is for the "Kitten Caboodle Noodle Streudel".  New recipes gladly accepted.

(Note: this is a PETA-free zone)

Say "HELLo"

I was digging through my archives searching for a particular post when I ran across this:

One day, while my husband was out fishing, two men walked up to him. They greeted him and then asked him, "Have you accepted Jesus Christ as your Lord and savior?" Randy told them yes, he had. So, they started chatting with him. One of the men then asked, "What about your wife?" Randy said,  "Yep, she's Catholic." (This was before Randy entered the Church.) The two men looked shocked. One of them exclaimed, "You do know she's going to hell, don't you?!!" My husband is not one to mince words. Poker faced, he looked at them and replied, "Well then....make sure y'all say hi!"

The Space Between Us

Or maybe I should have titled this post - The World According to Victor Moubarak. After I remarked on the huge empty space between my last post and the comment box, he replied:
"And by the way, the reason for the long gap between your post and the comments box is to teach us patience and perseverance."

After laughing my rather large (rather large does not mean enormous by the way) you-know-what off I decided to leave the space in honor of our Lord's attempts to help us all grow in virtue. Never say that I don't care about you all!

Besides, I can't fix it anyway.

But I love the way Victor looks at the world! You will too - check out the link!

...But You, You BE Love

I have the bad habit of hounding the Lord when I'm unsure of myself and my place in the "big picture". Problem being - the "big picture" is just too big for me and I often tend to question my place in the scheme of things. In a world so focused on productivity it's very easy to feel lost and unwanted and this is the position I found myself in recently. Confused and feeling as if I just might be expendable. To others, certainly, and maybe, just maybe, to the Lord? This is an area where I often have difficulty and this type of wrong thinking sneaks up on me and catches me off guard. I have spoken of this type of stinking thinking in previous posts and though I know this thinking is faulty, it still creeps in from time to time. (I wrote this post a while back before my posts on the false kingdoms we create for ourselves and saved it in draft form. Today, I figured, "Why not publish it? Surely others go through similar difficulties.")


I should have known that the Lord had a lesson in store for me. I just didn't realize just how powerful this lesson would be. The Lord was about to topple my false world (as usual) and set it aright again.

It began shortly after starting my series on the seven deadly sins. After reading through them a few times  I questioned the Lord:

"How dare I write these, Lord? What gives me the right to do this when I am obviously so full of the very things I am writing about?" I felt ashamed that I was still having trouble with the seven deadly sins (maybe not all seven but certainly a couple) and I wondered if God could possibly be thinking, "What unmitigated gall?! Who does she think she is?!"

I forgot that God does not think as we do and that his strength is made perfect in weakness. More importantly, the words I spoke in the previous paragraph lack humility and trust. I looked at myself and took my eyes off of Him. When I doubt the Lord like this I seem to lose what I call "the anointing". When this anointing comes upon me words flow out of me as easily as water flows down a mountain. When it's not there? It's like trying to pass a boulder through the eye of a needle. I'll write a bit more about this at some point because it's something that has always fascinated me and I can often pick up when someone else is writing under "the anointing" too because the Holy Spirit floods my being. It's a bit like getting zapped by electricity. No doubt it's the Lord's way of saying, "Pay attention! You need to read this!"

After I questioned the Lord and wallowed in self-pity for a sufficient amount of time (well, at least the Lord thought it was enough time), the Lord came back with:

"Who better?"

And He had a good point. Who better to write about the deadly sins than someone who struggles with them? Strange as it may seem, I learn from my own posts. While I am writing them I often become aware that the Holy Spirit is sometimes asking me to work on the very things I am writing about in a deeper way. And that He will teach me something new at the same time.

Back to the reason for this post. Over the past few months one of the questions that has often been on my lips during prayer has been:

"What's my mission, Lord? What did you create me to be? Am I doing what I'm supposed to be doing or am I failing utterly? Am I called to simply be a mother, a cleaner, a housewife? Why do I feel so unproductive and confused right now?

I  then compared myself (another mistake) to someone I know very well who seems to be extremely productive and found myself lacking.  "I wish I could be more like so-and-so, Lord."  Not expecting an answer, I was much surprised when I received a word that God had plans for "so and so", I was not to focus on others, and I was called to "be love".  I couldn't help but note the "BE" part of this word. It suggests more than simply to act in a loving manner. To "BE love" suggests that this love is already a part of us and simply needs to flow outward onto others. I knew this because I know about the indwelling of Love Himself, but I don't think it had sunk deeply enough into my heart yet. There is a huge chasm between head knowledge and heart knowledge.

I rarely share personal words but I decided to share this one because it contains a good lesson:

We are not loved for what we do but for who we are. It always comes back to this.  It was a reminder to me not to get caught up in the world's idea of productivity but rather to live in the present moment and allow the Lord to work through me, weaknesses and all. When I rely upon myself rather than God's grace...no good comes of it. When I rely on my own strength I quickly become discouraged, overwhelmed; I feel drained and paralyzed. When I lean on the Lord I feel peaceful  and quiet inside. The inner turmoil is dispersed, I am happier, and I have more energy.

Thank you, Lord, for correcting me.


                                            ~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~




I have no idea why there is a huge space from this point to my comment section. Anyone know how to fix it? Electronically challenged people DO still exist. I can't even figure out which of my husband's four remote controls turns on the TV yet!

A Big Question

Can you please help me understand why a few of the Catholic blogs with the largest presence on the Internet use their sites to battle endlessly about what they deem important "issues" in the Church instead of using them to draw people closer to Christ? They have the means at their disposal to bring the beauty of Catholicism to millions and instead spend half their time in petty arguments. The other half is spent on defending their position (with a definite lack of charity) in the combox.

Don't they understand what damage they do?

My guess is that they do not. The fact that they spend so much energy in defense of themselves and what they've written rather than reaching out to others makes me wonder if they are truly writing for God.

I read a few posts today by some of our leading Catholic writers. After reading them I asked myself this question:

If I were a Catholic thinking of coming home to the Church or a person interested in Catholicism what would these posts say to me? Or, what if my feet were not yet firm in the faith? Would these writers draw me closer to God?

The truth is that they would repulse me. I leave these sites with my heart heavy because, though they may think otherwise, they are doing Catholicism a grave disservice.

Don't get me wrong. I follow some wonderful sites that have a large number of followers and I have them listed in my sidebar. My problem is that there are a handful of Catholic sites with a huge amount of readers who are teaching people (by their example) that Catholics are petty and uncharitable.

I write this because I want people to understand that this is not the true face of Catholicism.  Here are some sites which better portray Catholicism in all its unique beauty:

Word on Fire  - Fr. Robert Barron's site (a favorite of mine)
Catholics Come Home
EWTN
Coming Home Network
Catholic Spiritual Direction
Catholic Prayer life
Come, Holy Spirit
Peter Kreeft



There are many more than the ones I mention above...but this is a good start. Enjoy!

Utterly Encompassed

You are utterly encompassed by God. He is in you, around you, beside you, above you, below you. This is the total truth. We have become blinded to such a degree that most of us have lost this sense of His Presence. The eyes of our souls have dimmed to an alarming degree and there are those who have absolutely no sense of God's presence whatsoever.

And yet He is ever there. Always. You could not even take a breath without Him.

Imagine this:

A human person is totally surrounded by and caught up in the love of God and yet completely unaware of this Divine Presence. Why? We are taught as children that God is love and He is everywhere. We are taught about the indwelling of the Trinity. So, why?

What happens to a person that causes them to lose this sense of God's love?

Sin happens. The eyes of the soul darken and grow dim from lack of light. Our spirit dulls. The duller our spirit grows the less aware we become of God and the more aware we become of ourselves. Not a healthy awareness of ourselves as existing in God, for God, and with God, but an unhealthy awareness that has negative effects on both ourselves and others.

Enter the kingdom of "me, myself, and I". This is the name of the kingdom where most of us exist (to lesser or greater degree) these days. Maybe not everyone, but certainly the majority. You can ask how someone can be so certain that this is the truth and my answer will be very simple:

"By their fruits you will know them." (Mt 7:16) I am not being pessimistic. I know God has things well in hand. But the simple truth is that if we look around us we can see that humanity, on the whole, is producing some very bitter fruit indeed. Yes, there are those who are producing good fruit but the majority of us are off kilter in some way that's hard to pinpoint completely. In some aspects, I think part of the problem is that we don't put God first in our lives. We think we do, but we don't really. We think of things from the perspective, "How will this affect me, personally?" We become the center of our own universe and  whenever this happens, the result is suffering. Whether upon ourselves or others, if we don't acknowledge the fact that God is the source of all good and the center of existence, well...we bring suffering upon each other. This is part and parcel of living in the kingdom of "me, myself, and I".

In reality, there is only one kingdom. And that is God's. Because we have free will God allows us to live in our pretend kingdoms if we choose to but these kingdoms have no basis in reality. Eventually these kingdoms fall because they have to. In the sentences below I am speaking about a state of being and not necessarily a final destination. I am simply saying that God certainly gives us plenty of hints as to how we are doing. For instance, I know I am in a state of purgation right now and have been for years.  Yet, in this state I get tastes of Heaven too. God is good.

If these false worlds we create don't fall?  Hell happens. Why? Because it is a refusal of God's Kingdom over our own.


If they partially fall?  Purgatory

If they do fall completely?

Heaven reigns in our hearts.


In Him we live and move and have our being. (See Acts17:22-31)

Opening the Floodgates of Mercy - He is With You

Trust in Jesus. Someone out there is suffering unbearably - please read my words at the bottom of this page. God is with you.

"My daughter, tell the whole world about My inconceivable mercy. I desire that the Feast of Mercy be a refuge and shelter for all souls, and especially for poor sinners. On that day the very depths of My tender mercy are open. I pour out a whole ocean of graces upon these souls who approach the fount of My mercy. The soul that will go to Confession and receive Holy Communion shall obtain complete remission of sins and punishment. On that day all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened. Let no soul fear to draw near to Me, even though its sins be as scarlet. My mercy is so great that no mind, be it of man or angel, will be able to fathom it throughout all eternity. Everything that exists has come forth from the very depths of My most tender mercy. Every soul in its relation to me will contemplate My love and mercy throughout eternity. The Feast of Mercy emerged from My very depths of tenderness. It is My desire that it be solemnly celebrated on the first Sunday after Easter. Mankind will not have peace until it turns to the Fount of My Mercy."     Diary 699

These are bold, powerful words. Jesus speaks of pouring out a whole ocean of graces for those who ask for His Mercy. He also states that all the divine floodgates through which grace flow are opened. He also speaks of His tenderness a number of times here and that no soul should be afraid to come to Him no matter what they've done in their lives.  He is calling all sinners and saying, "Do not be afraid! My mercy is greater than your sins! I want you to come to me!"

I'd like to address these words to anyone out there who may be in mortal sin and suffering deeply:

The words that Jesus spoke to St. Faustina are true. I know because I was one of these poor souls. One day I cried out to God from the depths of my being and my soul was brought into the Presence of  this great mercy. My soul was plucked out of my body and brought before the Sacred Heart of Jesus where I was enveloped in the rays of mercy that emanated from the heart of Jesus. I had no knowledge of St. Faustina, her diary, or the Divine Mercy image when this happened. To be honest, at that point I had very little knowledge of God, period. It had been many years since I had gone to church. The point I'm making is that He grabbed a soul deep in the muck of grave sin for no reason...except mercy. I believe the reason I was shown the manifestation of this great mercy was so that I could tell others that this is the very same thing that happens to them when they cry out for His mercy. I truly believe that one day when we die we will see how often this mercy was poured out upon us.

God's mercy is greater than your sins. Believe me, I should know.

I am also addressing words to someone out there who is contemplating suicide. During the past few weeks while praying the Mercy Chaplet I have been made aware that I am in prayer in a special way for this person. I want to tell you that God understands your deep suffering, loves you, and wants you to bring Him your suffering and despair. I am having a tremendous witness in the spirit as I write this. He knows your pain and wants to help you. Please go to Him. Please. I have no idea why I am writing this on my blog but I trust the Lord's leading. You are not alone.



Lord, I bring to you this day all mankind, especially those who are suffering. On this Feast of Divine Mercy I ask you to open the floodgates of Your Mercy upon the whole world.

The Kingdom of Light

" For Thine is the Kingdom, the Power, and the Glory."    (Doxology from the Didache)

In a recent post I spoke of how we create "ugly little kingdoms" for ourselves. We are like selfish little despots ruling over our kingdoms with iron fists. Woe to those who don't abide by the rules of our kingdoms! The rules of these kingdoms may be enforced by anger, intimidation, manipulation, silence, withholding love, impatience, grumpiness, a sickly sweetness, sarcasm, verbal abuse, judgments...and the list goes on and on.  The manifestations of these kingdoms can be very subtle or quite obvious. 

Let's use road rage as an example of someone whose heart is full of anger. Have you ever been stuck in front of a person who is in a rush to get somewhere? They honk, make gestures, and yell because you have interfered with the rules of their kingdom. The honking and gestures are ways of intimidating you through fear to get you moving faster. This person truly believes that his life is more important than the person's in front of him. We see this on the road so much these days.

Our kingdoms aren't always as obvious as this. Ever held onto a grudge for a while? Ever get home to a messy house, pat yourself on the back for not saying a word about it, meanwhile your heavy sighs are saying it all for you? Ever sit in church and grumble in your head about the noisy children in front of you, "Good grief! Why don't they stay at home if their children can't behave in church! And what's with these new Mass changes?!"

Still not subtle enough? How about this:
Have you ever gone through a day without thinking about yourself once? (Not counting normal care of the body or prayer and examination of the conscience.) I attempt it and fail every time. Were it not for our fallen natures we would be quite unaware of ourselves. Instead we wear masks and facades because we are overly aware of ourselves and fear showing ourselves in our utter fragility. And yet it is this very fragility that calls out sweetly to the Lord. Who could fail to help a child?

Which brings me to the next point:
Only the REAL you can enter Heaven. The ego is the false self and cannot enter God's Kingdom. This false self is what the Lord is trying to rid us of. There are no masks or facades in Heaven. God purges us and tears down our false kingdoms because He LOVES us, not to hurt us. He knows these things have no place in Heaven. He doesn't want an impostor pretending to be someone they are not running around His Kingdom. Besides, this would cause immense suffering in that person because they are in the presence of God which allows no falsehoods to stand.  He wants His child that He created in all his or her unique spiritual beauty. The real you is utterly acceptable to Him and deeply loved and cherished, for He created you. You are one of a kind and irreplaceable.

God can always see the real person inside of us. He seeks this person, even if he or she has become so covered in the muck of sin that they don't seem recognizable to others. He knows and recognizes them and wants to heal them. I often hear people say, "God loves you just the way you are." Yes, He certainly does love us, but maybe the truth is:

God loves us too much to leave us just the way we are.

Like so many today, I have walked in darkness. When the Lord called me out of this darkness, I heard Him. I have seen so many glimpses of His Kingdom  since then.... but the truth is I am still as yet unable to stay in it permanently. I KNOW the joy of His Kingdom but because I am still in a state of purgation I lose sight of it often. The purging is good, I am assured of God's healing but I often wish it were finished. I joke around and ask the Lord, "Is today the day?"

The point of this post is that we CAN begin our heaven on earth. As I said in Kingdom of Darkness, hell is a state of being as well as a place. The same is true of heaven. With God's grace, we can reach the holiness to which He calls us to and dying would be as simple as walking through a door since heaven already reigns in the heart.

First we must renounce our own kingdoms. I do this every day. We all have personal agendas whether we are aware of them or not. These agendas keep us from being truly free.

So what are we asking for when we pray? Are we asking for God's Kingdom to come? Or are we really saying "My kingdom come, my will be done."

Something to think about.

Reality? Whose? Mine or yours?

I'm an old man who has known a great many problems, most of which never happened.
                                                                                          -Mark Twain

This quote from Mark Twain never fails to bring a smile to my face. Can anyone relate? A  portion of my troubles in my more recent past (adult years) have never even existed but I worried enough about them that they felt real.  It took me years to realize that my thought life was the big problem and even today I catch myself occasionally falling back into negative thinking patterns. It stemmed from my childhood when I lived under constant stress and continued into my adult years. I had no clue how to live without fear and anxiety as they had been my constant companions on my journey into adulthood. It's a big problem for those who have been raised in dysfunctional families - you still carry the baggage even after the stressors are gone. Kind of like living with chronic PTSD and always wondering when the next bomb will go off.

It wasn't until my late twenties that I realized that I was carrying a boatload of repressed anger. I had no clue what I was dealing with before then and even when I did realize it, I still had no idea what to do with it. I can tell you one thing though - if a child has enormous amounts of repressed anger and can't express it they can end up with a lot of phobias. Children from dysfunctional households cannot aim their anger at the very people that they depend on the most so they try to find "acceptable" ways of dispersing this internal turmoil a bit so they can function. I "hated" a lot of things when I was young for no good reason. After all, better to hate a thing than a person, right? This wasn't conscious by any means. As an adult I came to the conclusion that most of the things I hated and feared were not harmful to me. An example is milk - I loved milk as a young child but developed a great aversion to it as I got older. By the time I was a teenager I was allergic to it. A fluke you might say but I'm not convinced because the more anger I repressed the worst my milk allergy got. Oddly enough, as I worked through a lot of this anger as an adult the allergy improved to the point where eating and drinking dairy products rarely bother me much anymore. As laughable as it may sound, forgiving cured the allergy. The symbolism of a having a "milk" allergy didn't escape my notice either.

I wanted to put up this post before Kingdom of Light because it seems to lead up to it and also puts my post Kingdom of Darkness into perspective. I know many of you were wounded as children and this is something I can relate to very much. The "kingdom" I was raised in had little resemblance to the Lord's Kingdom. One of the consequences of living this way was "stinking thinking". This has always been the bane of my existence. 

In earlier posts I spoke about capturing our thoughts in Christ and renewing our mind with the help of his grace. It's an ongoing battle. The "shrew" would still  like to put in her two cents about everything. I still have to gag her to get her to shut up. The shrew likes to comment negatively on life in general, though she has mellowed with age. She was far more fierce in her younger years, I think she got burnt out. Still, she occasionally likes to butt her head into my thoughts.

All humor aside, our thought life has a lot to do with what we think of ourselves and how we think of and treat others. Unhampered, it can run ourselves and others into the muck if we let it. We have the grace to stop our thoughts and change their direction by gently moving our thoughts toward the Lord. For instance, if we find ourselves judging a person (not an action, it is okay to judge an action) our thoughts can carry us far away from truth. No one knows another person's heart but God. When we notice our thoughts bringing us into a direction we don't like, it's helpful to think of Jesus crucified. Takes the wind right out of our sails! Or say your thoughts about yourself are harmful (like cutting yourself down or digging into a painful past all the time), it's helpful to remember how much God loves you. I say do it gently because it needs to be done with love. You have to treat yourself with the same mercy that God treats you with. God is incredibly merciful to us and so, we too, must treat his creation lovingly...which includes ourselves. It takes many years to build up negative thought habits and it can take some time to change this. If you are too harsh with yourself - it is fighting negativity with negativity rather than the greater sword of God's love. Our greatest weapon is praise. Praising God leaves no room for the shrew :) I like to think of this not as positive thinking but rather....Christian thinking.There are times when our minds can greatly hold us back. We are told we are new creations in Christ... but our thoughts disagree. God's word is truth but sometimes things change over a period of time instead of instantly. Living in a world which idolizes instant gratification, we certainly have our work cut out for us. Plus, we can be our own worst enemies. The best advice I could ever give anyone is to capture their thoughts in Christ. Especially those who are troubled. Let me explain what I mean:

Even before my AHA! moment in the Lord's presence I was aware that my thinking was all messed up and that not everyone thought the way I did. My thought life reeked. Yes, "stinking thinking". This doesn't just happen to alcoholics, it happens to many, many people. As a matter of fact, I think most people have at least occasional problems in this area. I rarely drink (though I had my moments when I was younger as you may have read). People tend to connect this type of thinking with addictions only but I believe that most people have this; some more than others. I tried to overcome this through various means when I was younger but nothing stuck. Probably because I was not in a state of grace. After God removed the scales from my soul, I still had to work on my mind. I'll probably have to always do this. God has my hand now, so it is much easier.

After my conversion I REALLY became aware of just how negative my thought life was. Removing this thinking (with God's grace) became a daily thing. At first I literally had to do this on a constant basis. It was like retraining the mind. Out with the old ...in with the new. Pay attention to your thoughts for a while. When you notice negative thoughts creeping in, call on the Lord. For those who were raised in very dysfunctional households, remember this:
You are not what others think you are, no one knows you but God. We become layered with other people's misconceptions of us until we cannot even see ourselves. Throw out everything that others have told you about yourself and ask the Lord to reveal your true self. It may be gradual (or not) but God will show you that only His perception of you is the true one. And you are His child. Counterattack your unloving thoughts about yourself with the knowledge that He loves you. He loves you with an infinite love. Believe in this. It is total truth. Let Him love you; you were created to live in this love.

 None are excluded from this love. He never walks away from us - we walk away from Him.

You are free in the name of Christ. Believe this. It sometimes just takes a bit of time for this truth to sink deeply into our hearts and minds.

"Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect." Romans 12:2

It pleases the Father to give us The Kingdom.


P.S. (This is a mixture of an old post and a new one. I thought they fit well together and would also be a good lead up to my next post.)

He is Risen!

Wishing all a Happy Easter!

The Two Gardens and The Olive Press

A post about heaven just didn't seem fitting for today so instead I offer these two posts from my first year as a blogger.


The Two Gardens:

The fall began in the Garden of Eden; our redemption began in the Garden of Gethsemane. Adam and Eve fell through the sin of pride, "...you will be like gods". They went against God's will. In the Garden of Gethsemane, Jesus, in his humanity completely surrendered his will to the Father, bitter though this cup was. After Adam and Eve sinned, they hid from God. When the soldiers came to arrest Jesus, he did not hide. Rather, he handed himself over in complete conformity with God's will. Both gardens contained betrayals. In Eden, Satan tempted Adam and Eve and they betrayed God. In Gethsemane, Judas betrayed Jesus (God) with a kiss. It is in Eden that Jesus and Mary are mentioned for the first time in Gen. ch.3:15.
"I will put enmity between you and the woman,
and between your offspring and hers;
He will strike at your head,
while you strike at his heel."

In both gardens was a rejection of God by humans, but in the second garden was also the ultimate acceptance and abandonment to the will of the Father - the beginning of the atonement that ends on the cross, where Jesus, the new Adam, returns the fruit stolen (an act of pride and rebellion) from the tree by giving his human will to the Father in the greatest act of humility ever seen on this earth. It is under the cross where Mary (the new Eve) unites herself intimately in this act of humility by giving the beloved Fruit of her womb to the Father, never asking why....just suffering with her Son.



The Olive Press:

At the base of The Mount of Olives lies Gethsemane, the garden where Jesus suffered His agony. An intense spiritual agony beyond human comprehension. The word Gethsemane means "olive press" and it was in this garden that Mercy was pressed to the fullest limits. An interior crushing so severe that Our Lord "fell to the ground and prayed if it were possible the hour might pass by him". And so begins the ultimate struggle with darkness as the weight of humanity's sins fell upon Him. A seemingly endless parade of human sin and corruption closing in upon Him. Pressing. Crushing. What did He see in this dark hour? Did He see the very depths to which human nature could sink? The pit of depravity, perversion and vice upon vice? Likely He saw this and worse, for the pressure grew so great that He sweat blood. Hematohidrosis.

Jesus suffered in his humanity, because it was human nature that needed redemption. And yet, despite the intensity of his suffering He still prayed, "My Father, if it is not possible that this cup pass without my drinking it, your will be done." And Our Lord drank the cup of staggering to its very dregs, knowing that by the acceptance of this chalice even greater suffering would come upon him . Then, strengthened by an angel, He stood up and went to meet his betrayer.

In my eyes, the two greatest sufferings of Jesus were His Agony in the Garden and on the Cross when He felt completely forsaken by the Father and endured what one might call, "a living hell", for love of us. He became sin and took on all the sins of the world for our sake. That is why it is so horrifying when someone refuses the salvation that He gained for them; it's like a slap in the face of Pure Mercy.

Most merciful Jesus, I thank you for everything you suffered for us all. May all souls open their hearts to receive the mercy you long to pour upon them. May your sufferings in Gethsemane obtain the grace of repentance for all souls caught in the grip of mortal sin, for it was here in Gethsemane that mercy was pressed to its limits and it was here in Gethsemane that we learned that this mercy has no limits. Amen.


 The "cup of staggering" is a term used in various biblical translations of the O.T. and refers to the Lord's wrath. In this post I used it in reference to Isaiah ch. 51 where the Lord speaks about the ransom of His people. See also The Cup of the Lord verses 17-33 . This "cup of staggering" is also mentioned in other books of the Bible. Jesus, Himself, took this cup from our hands and drank it to its bitter dregs.

The Kingdom of Darkness

Can you see it? The spiritual darkness in this world continues to increase. I wrote a post about this a few years back and added some thoughts to it:

I'm going to be very blunt. Should the era we live in concern us? YES.

The Holy Spirit is putting out a world wide "wake up" call and very few are heeding it. There really is no need to "discern the times". It is written, as clear as a bell, everywhere we look. One would have to be completely blind spiritually not to see the writing upon the wall at this point. Unfortunately, many of us ARE blinded. Sin blinds the mind, soul, and spirit of a person.

Despite the clarity of the picture around us, God, in his goodness, is going to allow this picture to become even clearer. The demarcation lines between good and evil will continue to grow greater and soon no one will be able to walk between these two lines but will choose one or the other. There will be no middle ground.

I have written about this numerous times and in no way has this sense of the "spiritual emergency" our world is facing lessened. If anything it has grown stronger.

We should pray daily to the Holy Spirit for the light of His truth to pierce the darkness of our times and for the grace to stand firm in our faith despite the obstacles around us. In this way we can become "little beacons of light" for others.

I reposted this because I cannot stress enough the importance of staying close to the Lord in the coming years. I will go so far as to say it is critical to do this. There can be no "fence straddling". And prayer is a must because it pierces the darkness. Carry your spiritually crippled brothers and sisters. Lay the wounded in the arms of the Lord.

Why is it of such importance that we do this?

Let me explain. God's kingdom is a kingdom of truth. We may think we know truth but it takes a very pure soul to see the reality of God's kingdom instead of our own kingdoms.  We form these  "personal kingdoms" of our own because of sin, both original and personal. Each person tends to think that these little kingdoms they make are "real"...but they are not. We all do this to some degree. In other words...we crown ourselves and seat ourselves on the throne of our personal kingdoms.  In His kindness, God knocks us off these thrones on a regular basis because pride is the worst sin of all. I've been knocked off my "throne" so many times that I've lost count. God purges us if we allow Him to.

What happens if people do not allow this dethroning of the god of self to take place?

Hell happens.

Seriously. God is very merciful but doesn't force people to accept Him.

Hell is not only a place, it's a state of being, and those who do go to hell start their hell on earth. Just as heaven is a state of being as well as a place...so it is with hell. When a person enters hell they have already been living in that state spiritually. There are numerous signs but because of pride many refuse to see it.

Now to the point I'm trying to make:
What happens when millions or even billions of people refuse God's grace time and time again?

Hell on earth, my friends. Hell on earth and an immense amount of suffering as we are forced against our will to live in each other's hells. Think of the number of people who were forced to live in Hitler's hell.

And we said we'd never forget.

"And this is the verdict, that the light came into the world, but people preferred darkness to light, because their works were evil. For everyone who does wicked things hates the light and does not come toward the light, so that his works might not be exposed. But whoever lives the truth comes to the light, so that his works may be clearly seen as done in God."   John 3:19-21



Next post - The Kingdom of Light