Duty calls

Maybe I should call this post, "The DUTY of the present moment". And yes...I mean duty literally. Welcome to the world of Mary Nicescrubber. Perhaps I should explain in more detail. Yours truly decided to go do her rosary at church before Mass today. This is my typical Wednesday routine. I entered the church and my weak bladder started screaming at me so I headed for the ladies room. Lo and behold, upon entering the ladies room (much to my horror) I found the wall, floor, and toilet, plastered with dried up diarrhea. "Please Lord, no. Not this. Anything but this, Lord." I admit that I considered ignoring it but I couldn't, after all it's Holy Week and it's the Lord's house. I didn't have any gloves or cleaning supplies with me so I found Father K. and explained the situation (without one giggle).Try explaining to a priest that someone did their duty all over the floor and walls and you can probably guess that I was trying to smother some laughter.  He gave me the key and I locked up the bathrooms and then went over to the rectory to look for cleaning supplies. Gail (a wonderful lady who works in the office) helped me find disinfectant,a scrubbing sponge and paper towels but we couldn't find any gloves. I grabbed sandwich baggies to cover my hands and went back and scrubbed that bathroom. I gagged the whole time. I finished just in time for Mass :)

No bargaining this time, Lord. One thousand souls out of purgatory free and clear. I love you, Jesus :)

Children of the King - Part 1

We  seem to be determined to build little shacks and hovels for ourselves. The Lord, in his great wisdom, is equally determined to tear these down. It is His will to to build mansions for us. Mansions for the children of the King.

Those of you who follow my blog know that I suffer from insomnia quite often. Last week was pretty bad as far as sleep went and I was feeling pretty miserable. I was too tired to do much of anything and my prayer life was reduced to these words by Thursday, "Jesus! Son of God! Have pity on me!" I managed to get my daughter off to school and made it through the day but by evening I was a wreck. I was so exhausted that I was sobbing and repeating the Mercy Prayer over and over. "Lord have mercy! Christ have mercy! Lord have mercy!" When I am desperate I always turn to the Mercy Prayer. Jesus can't resist a plea for mercy. I went to bed and did sleep for a couple of hours. When I woke up it was 1:00 a.m. and I was instantly wide awake. I aimed a few prayers toward heaven and tried to relax and fall back asleep. No go. I said to the Lord,"Well, you must really want my company pretty bad so I'll get up." I went into the living room, sat on the couch and started talking to God. Within minutes I was surrounded by intense love. Beyond words. All pain left my body and my senses became ultra-alert. I smelled the most beautiful odor. I can't describe it. From the top of my head to the tip of my toes I felt the presence of the Lord. Heat and love flowed through me. My body was not only pain-free, it felt better than great. Perfect even. Perfect love, perfect peace... I can't quite describe it.  It wasn't an out of body experience, I was totally aware of everything. Then the Lord showed me the dignity and beauty of a human person in a state of grace. The indwelling of the Trinity makes us glorious! He showed me myself this way. I was beautiful and so shocked! I kept saying to the Lord, "You do this for us?! What are we that we should be given so great a gift?" The Lord answered, "You are children of the King." Tears of joy were running down my face at this point. Deep down inside me I had thought I was ugly. (I'll speak more of this in a later post as I think quite a few people have problems with their self-image.) The love was so profound! He treasures us! Really, truly, treasures us! Our prayers are heard instantly and held with love. We are surrounded by saints and angels who want to help us, they are just waiting to be asked. They love us dearly and it gives them great pleasure to intercede for us and help us. We must pray properly though and not ask for things that will harm us. God wants us to come to him with all our needs. He deeply desires to give us good gifts. He wants to love us right into our heavenly home...if we let him. I never, ever, felt love to this degree even during previous experiences of his love. He loves EVERY person on earth this way - NONE are excluded. The truth is: We walk away from Him....He would never walk away from us. We are God's children. Children of the King.


Lord, in your great mercy, may these words touch the souls of those who are hurting. Show your children this beautiful love that flows endlessly from you... a love beyond all measure. Hear my prayer, O Lord, the wounds of your children are great but the power of your love is greater. I pray this prayer in the name above all names, in the name of Jesus Christ, our Savior and Redeemer. Amen.


Utterly Thine, O Lord!

Sabbath Moments - Blessed Insomniac

Sabbath Moments is a weekly meme hosted by Colleen at Thoughts on Grace. These are moments that we spend resting in God, just being rather than doing. I haven't posted much this week because I haven't gotten any sleep. I decided to take it easy rather than try to write something that would just come out all garbled anyway. My fellow insomniacs can probably relate :) Still, as miserable as insomnia can make one feel it can also be a blessing in disguise, as it was for me this week. After four days in a row with minimal sleep I was pretty much a wreck. Until last night, that is. Last night I had one of the most amazing spiritual experiences of my life. I cannot even put it into words, yet. If I had been asleep it probably wouldn't have happened. This helped me put the insomnia into perspective. God showed me what we truly are and other things about humanity too. What I see and what God sees are totally different. I understood the dignity of a human soul  intellectually before this but I hadn't experienced [at least not to this degree] this great dignity bestowed on us by a loving God. Sure, I knew we were children of God but nothing like He showed me! I hope to be able to find words this week to better describe these loving insights given to me by a gracious God.
God is good.

The Tooth Fairy

My daughter just lost her first baby tooth :)  Time flies by so fast, she's growing up too quickly for me!
I wonder what the Tooth Fairy is giving out these days?

Testing! Testing! ...123

"And I will make you toward this people
   a solid wall of brass.
Though they shall fight against you,
  they shall  not prevail,
For I am with you,
  to deliver and rescue you, says the
       Lord"                Jer. 15:20

Suffering stretches the soul. I don't know how or why it works...but it does. I have seen this at work in my own life and in the lives of others. Maybe I should rephrase my first sentence - suffering in Christ stretches the soul. Wide. You can even see this in the lives of the saints. Every single one suffered, some immensely. We all do...suffering is universal. Suffering in Christ opens the floodgates of His Mercy and each time we walk with Him through the dark valley of pain, hurt, and fear, we emerge stronger than before...ready to climb the next mountain. For our lives are filled with valleys and mountains and we must walk through some rough terrain. We cannot do it alone; this leads to despair and hopelessness. We must walk through these valleys holding Christ's hand. Alone, we would fall into every pit and hit every land mine. Jesus is our strength...our beacon in the night. He will not fail to bring us safely home. Trust Him.

Taming the shrew

In an earlier post I spoke about capturing our thoughts in Christ and renewing our mind with the help of his grace. It's an ongoing battle. The shrew would like to put in her two cents about everything. I have to gag her to get her to shut up. The shrew likes to comment negatively on life in general, though she has mellowed with age. She was far more fierce in her younger years, I think she got burnt out. Still, she occasionally likes to butt her head into my thoughts :)

All humor aside, our thought life has a lot to do with who we are and how we treat others. Unhampered, it will run ourselves and others into the muck if we let it. We have the grace to stop our thoughts and change their direction by gently moving our thoughts toward the Lord. For instance, if we find ourselves judging a person [not an action, it is okay to judge an action] our thoughts can carry us far away from truth. No one knows another person's heart but God. When we notice our thoughts bringing us into a direction we don't like it's helpful to think of Jesus crucified. Takes the wind right out of our sails! Or say your thoughts about yourself are harmful [like cutting yourself down or digging into a painful past all the time] it's helpful to remember how much God loves you. I say do it gently because it needs to be done with love. You have to treat yourself with the same mercy that God treats you with. God is incredibly merciful to us and so, we too, must treat his creation lovingly. It takes many years to build up negative thought habits and it can take some time to change this. If you are too harsh with yourself - it is fighting negativity with negativity rather than the greater sword of God's love. Our greatest weapon is praise. Praising God leaves no room for the shrew :) I like to think of this not as positive thinking but rather....Christian thinking.

Sabbath Moments

Sabbath Moments is a weekly meme hosted by Colleen at Thoughts on Grace. These are moments that we rest in God and just be rather than do. Speaking of rest - the napster [oh yeah, I forgot my brother-in-law changed it to Mrs. Nicenapper when I got married] snuck in quite a few naps this week :) For me, this is always a Sabbath moment! Naps are a blessing to those who have insomnia. I always give the Lord my sleep or lack thereof :)

The weather here in N.H. has been gorgeous the past few days, near 70. I spent some time outside with my daughter yesterday and watched her ride her scooter and play with her friends :) I sat in a chair and just enjoyed the sunshine and their laughter.

Today, I spent an hour talking to Saint Joseph and asking for his intercession. I had such peace inside as I spoke to him. I try to speak to the saints honestly and openly, I only use formal prayer when I am doing a novena. Except for the Mercy Chaplet and the Rosary; these I try to do daily. When I am talking to the Church Triumphant I speak to them as I would speak to my friends. A bit more respectfully, though :) St. Joseph is a powerful saint, we are blessed to have so many wonderful intercessors that enjoy helping us!

About the previous post

People may ask:
How do you know America is in such trouble? The truth is we would have to be blind not to see it. The warnings come almost nonstop and I know God wants me to speak up. How do I know when God wants me to say something? The Holy Spirit floods my body and the words He gives are filled with authority. They are impressed upon me so strongly that I even feel them physically. A powerful heat flows through my body...even now it is still upon me. How do you know it's not your own imagination? Because The Lord doesn't speak the way I do. I am a wimp. Do you speak God's exact words that He puts in you? Sometimes, at other times I just give an overview. If He gives me a specific Scripture I always use it. Does The Holy Spirit seem angry? No, I feel love and concern when He gives me words or warnings. Can you ignore Him? Yes, but I know that I'm doing others a disservice by not speaking up. Why should we believe you? No one has to believe me, rather, I would prefer they pray to the Lord and ask for light concerning our nation. Prayer is best. The Lord wants us [as a nation] to turn to Him. The gift of the prophetic word is a fairly common charism of the Holy Spirit and many people have it. Can you use this gift anytime? No, it is a gift of the Holy Spirit, he decides this. I suppose a person could ask for a word, I'm not quite sure. Instead I pray that the Lord makes me a cleaner vehicle. Charisms have nothing to do with holiness but for those who are using them, I've learned that regular Mass, Confession, prayer, and Bible reading keeps the word cleaner. Let me give you an example of how this works:
In the previous post I was sitting down at the computer and started writing about abortion. Suddenly, waves of heat started flowing over me and I got the word, "Warn them." The second two paragraphs are an overview of what He wanted written. The word "America will fall" was very strong.  Then He gave me the Bible verse Jer.13:15-17 which I receive quite often, so I put the link up to an earlier word which is what He wanted me to do. When I know I get the Lord's point across, I am enveloped in peace.
I don't think the Lord gets angry like we do. It feels more like justice than anger. I believe that America is going to see some very hard times until we repent. My prayer is that we do repent.

Legion

Save the seals. Save the dolphins. Save the red-eyed tree frogs. Wake up, America! Save the babies FIRST. Who would have thought the day would come when animals came before people? Who would have thought the day would come when millions of babies are killed every year? Let me speak clearly, that all may hear:

We are being WARNED, America! We must turn back to God. I have no doubt that if we continue, in our pride, to ignore God's commandments, America will fall. I don't know when. I don't know how, but if we continue down the path we are taking - America will fall.

It's not just about Abortion. There is a widespread rot running through America's streets. The Ten Commandments have no value here. They are despised and looked down upon. America, the land of the free, has enchained herself to a new master and his name is Legion. http://openingthefloodgatesofmercy.blogspot.com/2009/08/wake-up.html 

Utterly Thine, O Lord

Dear Lord,
Open the eyes of your people and grant us all the grace of repentance. May we repent as a nation and as individuals. Have mercy on us, O Lord. I know we need purification but please be merciful, we are a broken people.

Epitaphs

Okay, I admit it. I was bored this morning and wrote my own epitaph. Here's one I thought fit well:

Here lies a woman
Unbalanced twas she
Stumbled into heaven
....accidentally!

Or how bout this;

She troubled heaven with her sighs
Tickled the Lord's ears with her plea
Till a thunderous voice was heard in reply,
"If I let you in, will you leave me be?!!

I have more [it was a busy morning], but I'm off to meet the bus :)

Balanced - Who me?

I often read articles about how important it is to be balanced. I don't get it. Never have and probably never will. I guess balance may be defined as this: the ability to juggle as many things as possible without getting tangled up in them and tripping over your own feet. At least that's what it seems like to me. Kind of like being a superwoman - perfect wife, perfect mom, perfect friend, perfect daughter. Of course the books fail to tell you how to work a job, an illness, imperfect family [God bless their wonderful imperfect hearts!] and whatnot into the equation. I have a confession to make...I'm not balanced at all. Nope. Never have been and probably never will. The plain and simple truth is: I'm a Jesus freak. I think about Him day and night. Fellow Jesus freaks can relate. I'm talking about true Jesus freaks not fake ones that bomb buildings. The Cross isn't balanced, it's quite top-heavy. Jesus wasn't balanced. He was consumed with zeal for his Father's house. He fasted for forty days. St. Paul wasn't balanced. He had zealot written all over Him. St. Peter stumbled and fell a lot - no balance here. So, a word of comfort to all you unbalanced folks who have tumbled head over heels for the Lord:
You are in good company :)

New In Christ

There are times when our minds can greatly hold us back. We are told we are new creations in Christ but our thoughts disagree. God's word is truth but sometimes things change over a period of time instead of instantly. Plus, we can be our own worst enemies. The best advice I could ever give anyone is to capture their thoughts in Christ. Especially those who are troubled. Let me explain what I mean:

Even before my AHA! moment in the Lord's presence I was aware that my thinking was all messed up and that not everyone thought the way I did. My thoughtlife reeked. Stinking thinking. This doesn't just happen to alcoholics, it happens to many, many people. As a matter of fact, I think most people have at least occasional problems in this area. I rarely drink [though I had my moments when I was younger as you have read]. People tend to connect this type of thinking with addictions only but I believe that most people have this; some more than others. I tried to overcome this through various means when I was younger but nothing stuck. Probably because I was not in a state of grace. After God removed the scales from my soul, I still had to work on my mind. I'll probably have to always do this. God has my hand now, so it is much easier.

After my conversion I REALLY became aware of just how negative my thought life was. Removing this thinking [with God's grace] became a daily thing. At first I literally had to do this on a constant basis. It was like retraining the mind. Out with the old ...in with the new. Pay attention to your thoughts for a while. When you notice negative thoughts creeping in, call on the Lord. For those who were raised in very dysfunctional households, remember this:
You are not what others think you are, no one knows you but God. We become layered with other people's misconceptions of us until we cannot even see ourselves. Throw out everything that others have told you and ask the Lord to reveal your true self. It may be gradual [or not] but God will show you that only His perception of you is the true one. And you are His child. Counterattack your unloving thoughts about yourself with the knowledge that He loves you. He loves you with an infinite love. Believe in this. It is total truth. Let Him love you; you were created to live in this love.

I am laughing because I am getting witness after witness of this great love God has for each and every one of us as I write this. The Holy Spirit is confirming this truth. None are excluded from this love. He never walks away from us - we walk away from Him.

You are free in the name of Christ. Believe this.

"Do not conform yourself to this age but be transformed by the renewal of your mind, that you may discern what is the will of God, what is good and pleasing and perfect."    Romans 12:2

It pleases the Father to give us The Kingdom!

Choking on the worm

When I was young I had a friend who drank half a bottle of tequila and then ate the worm at the bottom. Yours truly was pretty disgusted by this. I was gagging as I watched. One- I don't like tequila. Two- worms gross me out. My friend was so sick she vomited and vomited. When she went home [don't worry, we didn't let her drive] she thought the car mat was her pocketbook and brought it in the house with her. We let her...she insisted that it was her purse and no one felt like disabusing her of this notion. I admit we snickered a bit over this.

I think back to those times and realize that each and every one of us was choking on the worm. My friends and I all came from dysfunctional households and every single one of us was choking on the worm of bitterness and unforgiveness. None of us were big troublemakers, but our hearts were hard as rocks. Mine certainly was. I was filled with bitterness and anger. I used to be flat out belligerent with the Lord.  "You've allowed this world to become a pretty rotten place to live, how are we supposed to be good surrounded by such evil?! How come you haven't stepped in to change things on this earth? Everywhere I look there's evil. They had it easy in the old days!" The Lord never answered me back then, I never gave Him a chance. I left the Church. I thought the Church was filled with hypocrites.

Once I bit into an apple and there was a worm in it. I was horrified because I had bit a chunk off it before I noticed the other half of the worm. I spit out what was left and threw out the apple. God never threw me out, though, despite the worm in my heart. I hated myself. I was just waiting for the day when God would squish me like a bug. I was afraid of Him. The funny thing is: I would pray my Hail Mary's every night. I loved Mother Mary...always. My mother brought me home a pair of rosary beads from Medjugorje and I slept with them under my pillow. I used them, too. I didn't meditate on the mysteries back then, I just prayed my Hail Mary's over and over. I would have terrible nightmares but they would leave when I started the Hail Mary's.

Right after my conversion I had a vivid dream. In this dream I opened my mouth and a worm started coming out. A strong hand grabbed the worm and pulled, pulled until it was all the way out. It was the longest, ugliest worm I had ever seen. The next day when I woke up my heart felt lighter. Gross but true. I went through my entire life forgiving everyone who had ever harmed me and praying for those I had harmed. I wish I had known when I was young how to bring my hurts to the Lord but no one had ever taught me this. It's important to do this on a daily basis. Bring God your pain immediately and forgive always. Teach your children how to do this. The whole world is dysfunctional in these days. Young people are suffering immensely. It's even worse than when I was young and I didn't think things could possibly get worse than that.

When I started praying the Scriptural  Rosary I was struck when I read:
" But I am a worm, hardly human, scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
  All who see me mock me; they curl their lips and jeer; they shake their heads at me: 'You
  relied on the Lord-let him deliver you; if he loves you, let him rescue you.' "
I would meditate on Psalm 22 over and over. I still do. Jesus, who was innocent, suffered so much for each and every one of us. He became sin to free us all from the evil that worms it's way into the human heart. We are free because of Him. All we have to do is go to Him.

Today, dear Jesus, I bring you all the young people of the world. I tuck each and every one of them into your Sacred Heart. O Jesus, they are suffering so much! Everywhere they turn they are surrounded by evil. Open the floodgates of Your Mercy upon them. Flood them, O Lord, flood them with Your Mercy. Help us, as parents, to teach them to bring their wounds to you. I thank and Praise You for Your Mercy!

Sabbath Moments - It's a deal!

Colleen at Thoughts on Grace hosts a weekly meme called Sabbath Moments. These are moments that we spend with the Lord and rest in Him. They can be planned or may catch us by surprise. I wasn't feeling very well this week so I only managed to make it to Mass three times. Wednesday was one of the days that I did manage to make it. I go early on Wednesdays because we pray the Rosary before Mass. On my way into the Church, much to my delight, I met up with a family friend whom I love dearly. She was like a second mother to me when I was growing up, I've known her since I was a baby. We talked for a while and then sat together in the Church to do the Rosary. I had never prayed the Rosary with her before, though I've sat with her at Mass here and there over the years. This moment just sticks in my head - I love her whole family and always will. I call her my aunt though there is no blood relation. She's funny, sweet and it's impossible not to feel happy in her presence. We have a deal going - if she dies first I pray her out of purgatory, if I die first, she prays me out. Not that I have any intention of going there, mind you, it's one of those just in case things. I have asked the Lord to give me my purgatory on earth and I'm pretty sure that He is answering this prayer ;)

Oh, yeah...I forgot to mention that I have the same deal going with my dad :)

A prayer request

I'm off to see a new doctor today. Hopefully, we can find out just what it is that I have, so I can get some relief. A definitive diagnosis would be nice. At least then I would know exactly what I was dealing with and what to expect. If you have a moment, please say a little prayer for me. Sometimes I feel overwhelmed by all that I have to do plus dealing with chronic pain. I make sure that I unite it with Jesus' suffering and this helps me cope with the pain better but I would still like to know what disease I am suffering from. I know that I have some type of muscle and joint disease or the prednisone wouldn't help so much. The doctors have pretty much thrown out the diagnosis of fibromyalgia.

Do you know what bothers me the most about being sick? Having to say to my daughter that, "Mommy can't play with you today because I am feeling bad." Kids love to go outside and run around, play tag, hide and seek,swim - all kinds of active things. These are the things she likes to do best and these are the things that are the hardest for me to do. I read to her and play quiet games instead. Sometimes I push myself and run around with her but I usually pay for it after. It would be nice to wake up feeling great and be able to say, "C'mon Peanut, let's go run around the park!"  :)