Choking on the worm

When I was young I had a friend who drank half a bottle of tequila and then ate the worm at the bottom. Yours truly was pretty disgusted by this. I was gagging as I watched. One- I don't like tequila. Two- worms gross me out. My friend was so sick she vomited and vomited. When she went home [don't worry, we didn't let her drive] she thought the car mat was her pocketbook and brought it in the house with her. We let her...she insisted that it was her purse and no one felt like disabusing her of this notion. I admit we snickered a bit over this.

I think back to those times and realize that each and every one of us was choking on the worm. My friends and I all came from dysfunctional households and every single one of us was choking on the worm of bitterness and unforgiveness. None of us were big troublemakers, but our hearts were hard as rocks. Mine certainly was. I was filled with bitterness and anger. I used to be flat out belligerent with the Lord.  "You've allowed this world to become a pretty rotten place to live, how are we supposed to be good surrounded by such evil?! How come you haven't stepped in to change things on this earth? Everywhere I look there's evil. They had it easy in the old days!" The Lord never answered me back then, I never gave Him a chance. I left the Church. I thought the Church was filled with hypocrites.

Once I bit into an apple and there was a worm in it. I was horrified because I had bit a chunk off it before I noticed the other half of the worm. I spit out what was left and threw out the apple. God never threw me out, though, despite the worm in my heart. I hated myself. I was just waiting for the day when God would squish me like a bug. I was afraid of Him. The funny thing is: I would pray my Hail Mary's every night. I loved Mother Mary...always. My mother brought me home a pair of rosary beads from Medjugorje and I slept with them under my pillow. I used them, too. I didn't meditate on the mysteries back then, I just prayed my Hail Mary's over and over. I would have terrible nightmares but they would leave when I started the Hail Mary's.

Right after my conversion I had a vivid dream. In this dream I opened my mouth and a worm started coming out. A strong hand grabbed the worm and pulled, pulled until it was all the way out. It was the longest, ugliest worm I had ever seen. The next day when I woke up my heart felt lighter. Gross but true. I went through my entire life forgiving everyone who had ever harmed me and praying for those I had harmed. I wish I had known when I was young how to bring my hurts to the Lord but no one had ever taught me this. It's important to do this on a daily basis. Bring God your pain immediately and forgive always. Teach your children how to do this. The whole world is dysfunctional in these days. Young people are suffering immensely. It's even worse than when I was young and I didn't think things could possibly get worse than that.

When I started praying the Scriptural  Rosary I was struck when I read:
" But I am a worm, hardly human, scorned by everyone, despised by the people.
  All who see me mock me; they curl their lips and jeer; they shake their heads at me: 'You
  relied on the Lord-let him deliver you; if he loves you, let him rescue you.' "
I would meditate on Psalm 22 over and over. I still do. Jesus, who was innocent, suffered so much for each and every one of us. He became sin to free us all from the evil that worms it's way into the human heart. We are free because of Him. All we have to do is go to Him.

Today, dear Jesus, I bring you all the young people of the world. I tuck each and every one of them into your Sacred Heart. O Jesus, they are suffering so much! Everywhere they turn they are surrounded by evil. Open the floodgates of Your Mercy upon them. Flood them, O Lord, flood them with Your Mercy. Help us, as parents, to teach them to bring their wounds to you. I thank and Praise You for Your Mercy!