A while back I wrote a post about being nice and what a problem it could be if the sweetness was simply a mask or surface quality that hides the truth about oneself. I am always amazed at how human nature likes to hide and protect itself from the unmasking which we all must go through to be healed by the Lord. This was a big problem for me because people often commented,"She's so nice" or "What a sweet girl you are." These are terms I've heard all my life because by nature I am basically a gentle person. Or was; I'm a bit more fiery now. The truth was:
For a long time, I was nice and sweet and filled with interior rot. The sweetness was a facade that hid a multitude of sins. Even worse, was my lack of awareness of how deep this ran. I moseyed along through life thinking I was doing pretty good and thinking I was at least average on the goodness scale. I'm sure you can guess what happened next. The Lord came along and quickly disabused me of this notion. Wham! Like getting hit with a ton of bricks. After my conversion I was in shock at the actual state of my soul. And the Lord was being gentle!
Why do I write about this? Because I believe there are many people out there who, like me, would be apalled at the true state of their soul. Trust me on this one, please. What? You think my name is Nicewarner for nothing? C'mon, the Lord has too great a sense of humor for that. [lol]
Seriously, though, what I am saying is true. We are not as good as we think we are. If you think you are holy- be really worried. Trust me on this one too, please. Most human beings are masters of self-deceit. This is why we are so in need of God's grace and love. Only He understands the depth of our fallen nature and He loves us anyway. But we must be honest with Him and ourselves so that He can do his healing work in us. He not only wants but deeply desires to do this for us if we will let Him. It's not always pleasant but it is freeing. There is one catch: to be forgiven and healed....we must first believe that we have sinned.
I frequently hide behind a mask. But you are right, there is no hiding from God. I pray for strength to ask Him to allow me the ability to take off my ask, reveal my true self to Him and ask for forgiveness. And then...to reveal my true self to the world around me. Scary stuff, but His grace can work wonders!
ReplyDeleteNot too long ago I was absolutely mortified by the duality I see in myself...the "nice" on the outside while I knew there was a lot of "not nice at all" on the inside. I am still convicted of this every day and I hate it. I want my inside self, my knee-jerk thoughts and things to reflect Christ. For me it's not enough to stop myself from doing or saying the wrong thing which I'm actually thinking and to just do the right thing despite those internal thoughts...I want those thoughts and initial responses to be conformed to Christ too! I long for a holier life, a holier life where the inside of myself is transformed and renewed. It's actually physically and emotionally painful to have this difference in me.
ReplyDeleteStick a fork in me. I'm chopped liver.
ReplyDeleteThis was a huge whammy home.
Great post.